Last week and already this week have been very challenging for me in my mothering journey. I knew that having four kids ages 3 and under wouldn’t be a party everyday. But the twins have been so easy and good that I think I deceived myself again into saying “I can do this.” Nolan has lived to prove me wrong, and Elaine is helping him. I’m trying to remember that God is pressing me into a place where I can’t do this, in order that I might lean on Him completely.
Today, as my kids sit in yet another time out, I sat on the couch and cried. Cried because all I wanted was a few moments of quiet time with my Bible. Cried because I am weary of fighting this battle. Cried because I feel like we can never go on deputation with children like these. Cried because Ben wasn’t able to talk to me on the phone right now. And then I opened my Facebook account, and there was this post on Beyond Bath Time –
Confessions of a selfish mom:
Some days I'm keenly aware of my self-centeredness. I like to wake up and have my home revolve around my needs. My need for sleep. My need for my coffee. My need for my space. My need for my children to behave like I want them to. My need for my husband to respond to me the way that makes me comfortable.
But God's truth confronts these "needs" and brings them to proper perspective. These are self-centered wants, demands, expectations. I create an idol out of my comfort. This pushes God to the side. It shows my tiny view of the cross.
Jesus came to serve others. He came to lay down His life for others. As daughters of the Most High King, this is our role. To lay aside wants and demands and to serve. To realize what we really deserve is hell, eternity separated from God. What He's given us is grace and He imparted His righteousness to us.
I must preach the gospel to myself daily. To view myself through the cross. To seek to live the gospel to my family. To purge selfishness from my heart through the power given to us through the Holy Spirit.
All for His glory!
A Selfish Mom clinging to the cross!
I really needed that just now. You would think it is second nature for a mother to love her children. But sometimes it is such a struggle to express that love the way God wants me to. I love myself, and my Flesh Woman doesn’t like to be set aside so that I can love someone else. I now understand why Paul commanded Titus that the older women should teach the younger women to love their husbands and their children.
Titus 2:3-5 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
When I love my children like God wants me to love them, when I set aside my own desires and wants, when I let the love of Christ to overflow through my life, then the Word of God is not dishonored. Only Christ can unselfishly love my little people, and sometimes He chooses to do it through me. That is amazing. I want them to see Christ’s love in me today.