Precious Thoughts

I often supplement my current Bible Study or devotional readings with the adoration list from Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet.  January and February the topics were all things I was wrestling through already.  I came to the 22nd when we were looking at the characteristic of God as a personal God, who knows me individually.  God really used Psalm 139 to tie a lot of things together for me.

Psalm 139:17-18 – How precious also are Thy thoughts unto me, O God!  how great is the sum of them!  If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.

For some time now, I have started my {almost} daily prayer time with Jeremiah 29:11-14, which says,

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. 12 Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. 13 And ye shall seek me, and find [me], when ye shall search for me with all your heart. 14 And I will be found of you, saith the LORD: and I will turn away your captivity, and I will gather you from all the nations, and from all the places whither I have driven you, saith the LORD; and I will bring you again into the place whence I caused you to be carried away captive.

I know that these verses were spoken to Israelites which were headed into captivity, and yet the Lord has used them in my life over and over again.  I have struggled with this “captivity” of temporary housing and “limbo” and transition that we have been “stuck” in for 18 months.  I have questioned why God would call us to church planting, provide for our financial needs by allowed us to reach full support after only 2.5 years of deputation, and then just drop us off to sit and wait for three months, because we can’t really get started on church planting until we have a house.  So I have asked God to help me know that His plans are good.  That His plans are not of evil.  That He does have a plan, and that He is at work, even when I can’t see it.

I don’t particularly care for sand, but I came across this picture from our very last deputation trip and I was remind that God’s thoughts are more than the sand pictured here, which is a small portion of all the sand there is in the world!

We have done everything we can to secure housing.  And now we just wait for the bank’s decision.  It is all in God’s hands, and my patience has run thin many times.  But today I read that His thoughts (good thoughts and plans according to Jer. 29), are more than the sand, and they are precious.  

As I meditated on this truth, the Lord caused me to think about my moments and days as a mom to five little kids.  It seems that my day is filled with thoughts of other people (though this in no way means I am an unselfish person…).  It revolves around what DVD the 2nd grader needs me to start for school, and did I remind the 3 years olds to go potty, and did I bake bread so that I can feed these hungry kids, and the five year old needs clean socks so I have to start the laundry, and the baby needs his nose wiped, again.  My thoughts revolve around my family and how I need to meet their needs.  Yet I am sure that if I add these thoughts up, they are no where close to the number of grains of sand on the seashore.  God’s thoughts – of me – cannot be numbered.  They are precious, and they are thinking up good plans.

I have sometimes prayed Jer. 29:11, not out of faith, but out of duty because it is on my prayer list and I know I should pray it.  But God has answered my prayer.  In bringing me to Psalm 139, He has reinforced that He is working and thinking and planning on my behalf, even when I cannot see it.  I cannot even count His precious thoughts toward me, so I could I ever see and comprehend all that He is doing right now?

I am thankful for the waiting time, because it has allowed me to learn and personalize this truth in a way I wouldn’t have without the struggle and the trial.

Update:  The Lord brought this to me on a Wednesday morning when I was sick and not feeling well.  I did not want to make the two hour trek into NYC for church, especially because I felt the Lord wanted me to share this in testimony time.  We did go, and I did share, in obedience to Him.  I think He used it in the lives of others too.  The next morning, we received word that our short sale had been approved and we were moving forward into closing…

Help

Today I was reading an adoration passage in Psalm 60.  Verses 11-12 say,

Give us help from trouble: for vain is the help of man.
Through God we shall do valiantly: for He it is that shall  tread down our enemies.

I was struck with this thought…

Sometimes my enemies aren’t physical people.  Sometimes my enemy is doubt, or fear, or worry.  Sometimes my enemy is stress, or emotions out of control.  Sometimes my enemy seems like five little kiddos all demanding a piece of me at the same time (but that’s really just stress, right?)  So the question that struck me today is, where do I turn for help?  Too often I ask my husband to help, or I turn to my own creativity to solve a problem.  Start a movie for the kids.  Sit down and breathe.  Make a to-do list.  Sometimes I yell and lose control of the situation.  But vain is the help of man. 

What I really need when all of the situations hit me in the face is to turn to God for help.  When I am drowning in doubt, or guilt, or out-of-control emotions, I don’t just need another set of hands, or a fresh look at the situation – I need God.  I need to turn to Him FIRST.  I need to realize that any victory will only be through His strength.

When I shout, “HELP!” it needs to be to God first.  Sometimes He may use the help of man (or my husband, or my friend, or my kids) to help me.  But I need to turn to Him first.

God has Joy

One of my favorite passages from my study on joy was Zephaniah 3.  I actually worked through the whole book, but the good stuff is in chapter 3.  This book is God’s promise that judgement is coming on Judah, as well as the nations.  “Zephaniah” means God hides.  Chapter 3 reminds us that there is always a remnant of God’s people.  The ones who have been faithful and have not compromised or drifted away from the Lord.  As I thought about the man God used to deliver this message, and the meaning of his name, I was reminded that there are always servants of God, though sometimes they seem hidden away.  And I thought about how God is able to hide us from the trouble and the judgement, if we have been faithful.

This book opens with a declaration of man’s apathy in chapter 1 verse 12.  Basically the people were saying “God is not involved in the affairs of men.”  Yet God says, “I am in your midst” in chapter 3, verses 5, 15, 17.  This is comforting to me when I go through difficult times – God is right there with me in the midst of it all. 

Chapter 3 is really full of amazing truths.  I know that it is written to Israel, but we can draw principles from the truth of this passage.  When God brings back the remnant (when He restores them – sometimes our sin drives us away from God but He can restore us again), they will sing & shout (3:14), they will be glad and rejoice (3:14), they will realize that the Lord is in the midst of them (3:15), they will not fear (3:16), and they will be diligent (3:16).

Here are some things I see about the Lord in this chapter:

• He is in my midst v.17
• He will rejoice over me v.17
• He will save v.17
• He will rest in His love v.17
• He will joy over me with singing v.17
• He will gather us together v.18
• He will undo the affliction v.18
• He will save v.19
• He will get praise and fame for those who were afflicted and driven away v.19
• He will bring us again (restore) v.20
• He will make us a name (restore) v.20

These promises are so precious.  I can choose to live in disobedience and suffer judgment; or I can choose to be faithful and wait for the Lord to bring His plan to pass (3:8).  I can continue to trust in the Lord (3:12), I can leave my “enemies” to the Lord to deal with (3:15).  I can continue to work for the Lord even when the future seems unknown (3:16).  And then – the promises of verse 17!  He is with me, and He will save me, and when I am faithful even in these difficult or trying times, He will rejoice over me.  I can bring joy to my God.  His love for me will be seen and the fruit of it reaped whe  I return His love in faithful living.  Not only does He give me joy (3:14), but I can bring joy to Him through my life!

The Joy of the LORD is Your Strength

Nehemiah 8:10 is probably one of the best known verses on joy.  This verse comes in the middle of a passage as the people were holding a solemn feast to the Lord.  Ezra read the entire book of the law, while the poeple stood to listen (try that in modern churches!).  The New Testament teaches us that the Law is a schoolmaster, to bring us to Christ.  The Law had the same effect on this congregation, for they were so disturbed by their sin, after seeing how they had violated the Law, that they were mourning and weeping.  Ezra and Nehemiah had to instruct them to stop mourning so that they could worship the Lord properly on this holy day!  They were told to go and have their feast, and make mirth, and that the joy of the Lord would be their strength.

Verse 12 concludes that the people responded this way because “they had understood the words that were declared unto them.”  As we read God’s Word we may be broken because of our sin, but we can also rejoice in the God of our salvation.  As we realize what He has saved us from, the joy we receive gives us strength to live for Him.

Some parallel thoughts include these verses:  (emphasis added)

Prov. 10:29 The way of the LORD is strength to the upright: but destruction [shall be] to the workers of iniquity.

Isa 25:1-4 O LORD, thou [art] my God; I will exalt thee, I will praise thy name; for thou hast done wonderful things; thy counsels of old are faithfulness and truth. 2 For thou hast made of a city an heap; of a defenced city a ruin: a palace of strangers to be no city; it shall never be built. 3 Therefore shall the strong people glorify thee, the city of the terrible nations shall fear thee. 4 For thou hast been a strength to the poor, a strength to the needy in his distress, a refuge from the storm, a shadow from the heat, when the blast of the terrible ones is as a storm against the wall.

Psalm 28:7-8 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him. 8 The LORD is their strength, and he is the saving strength of his anointed.

Isaiah 12:1-3 And in that day thou shalt say, O LORD, I will praise thee: though thou wast angry with me, thine anger is turned away, and thou comfortedst me. 2 Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation. 3 Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation.

Isaiah 61:10 I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decketh himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorneth herself with her jewels.

2 Cor. 8:2 How that in a great trial of affliction the abundance of their joy and their deep poverty abounded unto the riches of their liberality.

2 Cor. 12:8-9 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. 9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Matthew Henry states, “Holy joy will be oil to the wheels of our obedience…The joy fo the Lord will arm us against the assaults of our spiritual enemies.”

The Hebrew word translated strength in Nehemiah 8:10 also means a place or means of safety, protection, refuge, stronghold, harbour.  As we make the choice to rejoice in the Lord – to be thankful for His salvation, to trust in His strength, to rely on Him in our trial – then He tucks us away in the safety and refuge of Himself.  I think that knowing this only intensifies the joy!

Isaiah 61 says that God wants “to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.”  We should mourn for our sin, as the Israelites did in Nehemiah 8, when we understand the depth of our sin from the Word of God.  But then we allow the Lord to take our mourning and exchange it for joy.  To take the heaviness and sorrow of our sin, and trade it for a garment of praise.  All of this brings glory to the Lord!

“The joy of the Lord is your strength”

Joy in the Psalms

One of the things which I have done in my study on joy is walk through all the verses that mention joy in the Psalms and Proverbs.  I hand wrote all of those verses in my journal.  Here are some conclusions that I drew:

1. Joy comes from trusting in the Lord (Ps 5:11)
2. Joy  is in the presence of the Lord (Ps. 16:11)
3. Joy comes from the Lord’s salvation (Ps. 21:1)
4. Joy is worshipping God - we offer sacrifices of joy (Ps. 27:6)
5. Joy comes at the end of trials (Ps. 30:5)
6. Joy is in the Lord (Ps. 32:11)
7. Joy is in doing right (Ps. 32:11)
8. The Lord wants us to have joy and prosperity (Ps. 35:27)
9. We worship through joy (Ps. 42:4)
10. The presence of God and His city brings joy (Ps. 48:1)
11. We can ask God for joy (Ps. 51:8)
12. Initial joy is in salvation (Ps. 51:12)
13. God restores lost joy (Ps. 51:12)
14. Physical blessings can bring joy (Ps. 65:13)
15. We can rejoice (or have joy) just knowing that God is righteous (Ps. 67:4)
16. We reap joy after the trial (which is often sowing in tears) (Ps. 126:5)
17. Wisdom and peace bring joy (Prov. 12:20)
18. Joy is not dependent on others (they cannot take my joy away) (Prov. 14:10)
19. Giving the right answer brings us joy (Prov. 15:23)
20. Wise children bring joy (Prov. (17:21; 23:24)
21. Joy comes from doing right (Prov. 21:15)

The Source of Joy

{source}

I think we could probably all answer this question without studying, but I wanted to study it anyway.  Joy comes from God.  But how do we access that joy?

In John 16:17-24 and 33, Jesus is trying to tell His disciples that He is leaving (referring to His death).  But He promised them that their sorrow would be turned to joy, and fullness of joy.  They would see Him again after His resurrection, and then they would receive His indwelling Holy Spirit.

Joy is this passage is a comfort.  But because the disciples were trying to conform His words to their expectations of a physical kingdom set up on earth, their disappointment blinded them to truth.  Jesus told them that “in that day” (when they would see Him again) they would ask Him nothing.  Why?  Because they would understand what He had meant. 

But then He instructed them to ask of the Father in His name, and they would receive it.  Jesus even went on to explain that the asking and receiving through prayer would lead to fullness of joy.  We are directed to ask for all that we need and all that He has promised.  And we are assured to receive it.  The blessed effect of the prayer of faith is that it fills us with joy.

“Would we have our joy full, as full as it is capable of being in this world, we must be much in prayer.  When we are told to rejoice evermore, it follows immediately, pray without ceasing” – Matthew Henry (referencing 1 Thess. 5:16 ff)

God’s gifts, through Christ, fill the treasures of the soul, they fill its joy.  So what is the source of joy?  The presence of the Savior, and God’s spiritual blessings accessed in prayer.  Nothing physical, for the disciples were sorrowful and the world would be trying to steal joy away from them.  But Jesus promised that their joy would remain full as they remained connected to the Father in prayer.

What is Joy?

Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary defines it this way:

joy noun \ˈjȯi\ -

1. a :  the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : delight
   b :  the expression or exhibition of such emotion : gaiety

2. a state of happiness or felicity : bliss

3. a source or cause of delight

joy verb -

1. :  to experience great pleasure or delight : rejoice

2. archaic : gladden

3. archaic : enjoy

The Bible speaks of both joy and happiness.  Many times we are told to rejoice, and Jesus teaches on having fullness of joy.  Yet Jesus also taught in the sermon on the mount many ways to be blessed, or happy.  Joy is usually described as something which cannot be taken away when circumstances change, while happiness is based on circumstances entirely.  One site describes it this way: 

Happiness is an emotion in which one experiences feelings ranging from contentment and satisfaction to bliss and intense pleasure. Joy is a stronger, less common feeling than happiness.  {source – not necessarily recommended}

I think the difference between the two will be more clearly seen as we continue to study where joy comes from, and how and when God instructs us to have joy.

“Our joys on earth we are liable to be robbed of by a thousand accidents, but heavenly joys are everlasting.” 
--Matthew Henry

A Study on Joy

Recently the Lord has led me to do a topical study on joy in my quiet time. I want to document some of that journey here, as I have time to express in writing what God is teaching me.

It has been wonderful to be home from deputation and on a mostly “normal” wake-up schedule.  We implemented an “okay to get up” signal for the kids to ensure that we could get a measure of time with the Lord before the kids converge on the day.  This has been amazing to my devotions, which suffered greatly over the last couple of years while we traveled!

My study is utilizing an inductive Bible Study method which I am learning through the Busy Mama Bible Studies several times a year from Doorposts.  These have radically changed my quiet time, and allowed me to go deep even in just a few minutes while I walk through the Little Years with my kiddos.  I am enjoying using these Moleskine Cahier notebooks for each study, and my Prismacolor pencils are never far away.  (I even got Ben hooked on using them in his quiet time!)

The reason I began this study is because my pastor preached through several of the words we typically see around at Christmastime – words that the world uses, but doesn’t really understand (like love, joy, peace).  I realized that I have been struggling to have joy in my walk with God, because I have been disappointed at His choices for my path, and frustrated that His timing is not my timing.  I want to show joy and contentment to my kids and my husband, not selfishness and frustration.

To kick off my study, I created a pretty reminder to help me choose joy each day.

You can download it here, in JPG or PDF format.

All Kindreds

As I finish up my study of Psalm 22, I looked at verses 22-31 and how many times it is mentioned that the LORD will be praised and worshipped.  The circle starts with Jesus, and adds another band of worshippers throughout the verses as the circle expands.  Look at the list of people who will praise the Lord!

1. “I” v.22
2. Ye that fear the Lord v.23
3. All the seed of Jacob v.23
4. All the seed of Israel v.23
5. The afflicted v.24
6. I (“my praise”)
7. Meek v.26
8. Those that seek Him v.26
9. All the ends of the world v.27
10. All the kindred of the nations v.27
11. All the fat upon the earth v.29
12. All they that go down to the dust
13. Seed v.30
14. “They” (the seed) v.31
15. A people that shall be born

The culmination is that even the unborn generation will be counted among those who praise the Lord!  However, it is verse 27 that struck a chord with me.  Around the throne in heaven we know that there will be redeemed people from every kindred, tongue, people, and nation (Rev. 5:9).  This verse tells us the same thing – people from all kindreds of nations will praise the Lord!  And its exciting to me that there are people from all nations right here in New York City where we are planting a church.  We have the opportunity to see God fulfill His Word as we will people of all nationalities!

Forsaken

I’ve been doing the Doorposts Busy Mama Bible Study in Psalm 22 this month.  Once again, life with little kiddos (and a week of sickness) has put me farther behind than I like.  But today I studying the concept in verse 1 that Jesus was forsaken by God.  Can you imagine what it would be like to be God’s chosen Son, bearing the sin and guilt of the entire world, and on top of it to have your Father look away – to forsake you – as you paid the penalty for sin?  I cannot fathom it.

I read from Spurgeon’s Treasury of David on the idea of forsaking.  I was struck with this thought…

“This was the startling cry of Golgotha: Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani. The Jews mocked, but the angels adored when Jesus cried this exceeding bitter cry.

“First, our Lord's faith beams forth and deserves our reverent imitation; he keeps his hold upon his God with both hands and cries twice… He knows the Lord to be the all sufficient support and succour of his spirit, and therefore appeals to him in the agony of grief, but not in the misery of doubt.

[As if Jesus is thinking] I can understand why traitorous Judas and timid Peter should be gone, but thou, my God, my faithful friend, how canst thou leave me? This is worst of all, yea, worse than all put together.

“Hell itself has for its fiercest flame the separation of the soul from God.  Christ's desertion is preventive of your final desertion. Because he was forsaken for a time you shall not be forsaken for ever. For he was forsaken for you. It is every way as much for the dear Son of God, the darling delight of his soul, to be forsaken of God for a time, as if such a poor inconsiderable thing as thou art shouldest be cast off to eternity. Now, this being equivalent and borne in thy room, must needs give thee the highest security in the world that God will never finally withdraw from thee.”  (Emphasis mine)

Forsaken.  I am saved by grace, through faith, because Jesus paid the penalty for my sin on the cross.  I can be forgiven because of His sacrifice.  Because He was willing to be forsaken of the Father in order to bear my sin.  That is what we will celebrate in the glory of the resurrection on Sunday.

(Download PDF)

Help Me

I was struggling through a difficult day yesterday and my husband gave me the words of Psalm 143 to chew on.  They didn’t impact me as much yesterday as they did when I just reread them this morning. 

[A Psalm of David.]] Hear my prayer, O LORD, give ear to my supplications: in thy faithfulness answer me, and in thy righteousness. 2 And enter not into judgment with thy servant: for in thy sight shall no man living be justified. 3 For the enemy hath persecuted my soul; he hath smitten my life down to the ground; he hath made me to dwell in darkness, as those that have been long dead. 4 Therefore is my spirit overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is desolate.  5 I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse on the work of thy hands.  6 I stretch forth my hands unto thee: my soul thirsteth after thee, as a thirsty land. Selah.  7 Hear me speedily, O LORD: my spirit faileth: hide not thy face from me, lest I be like unto them that go down into the pit.  8 Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee.  9 Deliver me, O LORD, from mine enemies: I flee unto thee to hide me.  10 Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness.  11 Quicken me, O LORD, for thy name's sake: for thy righteousness' sake bring my soul out of trouble.  12 And of thy mercy cut off mine enemies, and destroy all them that afflict my soul: for I am thy servant.

So many times my spirit feels overwhelmed and the enemy beats me down with doubts and fears and guilt.  He reminds me of my insufficiencies and shortcomings,  and makes me feel worthless.  When I come to the Lord, I don’t want someone else pointing the finger at me and bringing judgment (v.2), because I already feel the weight of my sin and guilt.  I come to the Lord for help, knowing that He has already promised to forgive those shortcomings (1 John 1:9). 

Verses 3-4 give such an accurate description of how I felt yesterday.  Defeated.  Beaten into the ground.  Persecuted.  Alone in darkness, with no way out.  Desolate.

But what is the solution?  Verses 5 – remembering everything God has done in the past.  Meditating on His works.  Recalling the works of His hands.  What has God done that would encourage me in times like this?

• He created me.  He knows me intimately and He knows my weaknesses
• He died, for me.  He sent His beloved Son Jesus to take my place, even though the sin was my fault, and my choice.  Even though it was sin that brought me to such a low-point in my life.  Repeated sin.  Something I struggle with often.  But He forgives it – over and over again.
• He has worked in my life in specific ways to bring me to the point where I am today.  I am the wife of a man called to be a pastor.  I am part of a missionary team preparing to plant a church in New York City.  I am on deputation.  I have five small children.  I am a homeschooling mom.  There were parts of each of those life callings yesterday that were combining to make me feel out of place, crazy, and defeated.  But each of those roles that I have are the works of God.  Each one was by His design.  So He knows that the combination may sometimes be hard (and even crazy), but He is there.
• He has provided for me in specific ways, repeatedly.  I was able to graduate from five years of college debt free.  He has provided for us on an ongoing basis to enable us to live in New York City.  He has met every single need, and more, as we have traveled around the country living out of our van on deputation.  Just last week He provided for our brakes to get fixed, without a hiccup or hang-up of any kind.  The works of God’s hands are marvelous.
• He allowed me to grow up in a Christian home.  He gave me a husband and godly in-laws.  He has drawn our oldest daughter to salvation.
• I have been privileged to sit under the teaching and preaching of some of the most amazing servants of the Lord at Ambassador Baptist College.
• I grew up in a wonderful church that emphasized to me the necessity of giving my life to serve God however He would have it.  I was blessed to have many missionaries stay in my home and influence me as a teenager.  I have been able to spend the last five years marinating in the teaching of my pastor in Brooklyn.
• He has gifted me with friends who regularly encourage me in my walk with God, raising my children for the Lord, and my life on deputation and in ministry.

The next step is to thirst after the Lord.  Yesterday, when I felt my life was falling apart around me (just a feeling, but a strong one at the time!), I really just wanted to spend time with the Lord.  I wanted Him to lift me up.  I realized that I begun my day without Him, and thus immediately jumped on the roller coaster ride that dumped me where it did.  I stretched out my hands to the Lord, and I said, “Help!”  My soul was thirsting for the Lord to do something amazing in me that I knew I could not do. 

I didn’t have the patience for my children.

I didn’t know what to do for homeschooling

I didn’t have enough arms to meet everyone’s needs.

But God did.

The rest of this chapter is just like balm on my raw soul.  Today my future looks brighter.  Yesterday I saw only darkness and despair.  This morning His Word is soothing my soul and giving me hope, just as verse 8 says.  “Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee.”  Things always look better in the morning, but better doesn’t describe it when we have the Lord.  His lovingkindnesses reach down and give me just the Scriptures I need.  He takes the broken pieces of my soul that I stretch out to Him and He mends it.  He directs my steps.  He clears my eyes, and He reveals His tender love.  That’s an amazing God!

In troubling times, we can flee to the Lord (v.9)

He teaches us what His will is for our lives.  If I am doing His will, then I don’t need to feel the weight, pressure, and guilt of all that I am not doing.  These are the things which the enemy constantly brings to my mind and piles on my shoulders.  But the Lord gives strength for me to do His will.  Then, when it is done, I can say with Him in John 17:4, “I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do.”

The Lord quickens us, and brings us out of trouble (v.11)

He will eventually cut off the enemy and destroy the one who afflicts my soul (v.12).

I am the servant of the Lord.  Sometimes I forget this truth.  I try to be the master in my life.  But I am just a servant.  He is in control.  He is behind all the circumstances, weaving a beautiful story and picture so that all around me can see His power and gory.  Even if the only ones around me are my family members, He reveals His power.  They need to see it too.  My kids need to see God at work in Mommy’s life. 

I sat down this morning and prepared to do the next lesson in my Bible study in Romans 8.  But as I opened my Bible app, I noticed it was still on Psalm 143, and so I reread it.  When I turned to the lesson for today, I found that the title was “All Things” and I would be digging into Romans 8:28.  How appropriate that the Lord would teach me about “all things” following a day when I felt “all things” against me for evil.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”  Romans 8:28

Pouring in the Scriptures

Being a mom of little kids can be exhausting physically – and spiritually.  So many times I come to the end of my day or my week, and to my shame I realize how little time I have spent in prayer or in reading the Word of God.  And the time that I have spent in those activities has been in five minutes here or a whispered quick prayer there.  Rarely is it a large chunk of time that I get to indulge in my devotional time.

But when I am running on empty and feeling dry, that is when I really need to pour the Scriptures into my life and speak the truth to my heart.  If I don’t I will trip and fall into that trap of the enemy – again.  I will make a mess of relationships and situations – again.  I will rely on myself – again.  This is so dangerous because Romans 7:18 says “For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing…”

And yet sometimes it is just impossible to carve out that chunk of time.  Many times I can do it if I choose to – if I check Facebook less often, or shorten my nap, or leave the dishes in the sink.  But there are times when I just can’t get up earlier because I’ve been up all night with the baby.  Or I can’t find quiet time because the kids are acting out today. 

The Lord has shown me some creative ways that I can still pour the Scriptures into my heart, and meditate on the truth of God.

• “Decorate” my house with the Word of God.  When a verse or passage really speaks to my heart or to the situation I am facing, I print it out and hang it in a visible place in my home.  I have a cluster of verses on the wall where I will see them first thing in the morning.  All of my kitchen cabinets are covered in verses.  This helps me to see God’s Word many times through the day and be reminded to meditate on it or pray it for my family and friends.
• Listen to sermons.  We don’t have a washing machine, so someone has to spend a couple of hours at the laundry mat each week.  I load up my iPhone with podcasts (Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss) and sermons (Ambassador Baptist College Chapel) and I listen as I work.  I play them while I’m in the shower and the kids are busy elsewhere.  I play them in the car when we’re driving.  God always uses the sermon/podcast next in my list to be just what I need at that moment.  This has been so helpful also since I often don’t get to sit through a whole church service without leaving to feed the babies.
• Play Christian music in the home.  Sometimes it is just too much noise, but I try to have background music on as much as possible.  Even just a phrase that I catch as I pass through the room will stick in my head throughout the day and encourage or challenge me.
• Teach my children.  God is using parenting my littles to really refine several areas in my own life.  And so often the song I choose to teach them, or the Bible story we read has one application to them, and a different facet of an application to my own life and situation.  He challenges me, encourages me, and convicts me as I teach my children.  Even just the simple prayers that they offer to God are a challenge to me.  They are so faithful to remember certain people, never forgetting to mention them in prayer.  And often I wish I was that dedicated to prayer for others.

How about you?  How do you keep the Scriptures a priority when time seems short or your season of life is so overwhelming?

Inadequacy

I was feeling rather down last night because of several failures and inadequacies that have been raising their ugly heads lately.  I was having trouble focusing on the victories which I know have been accomplished (and those that are yet to come) in Christ.

I am reading At the Feet of Jesus by Joanna Weaver as a daily devotional supplement.  Today’s words were just for me!

“I was struggling once again with my continued inadequacies.  “Will I ever change?” I asked God.  “Will I ever be what You want me to be?”

…How often do you shower, Joanna?  the God-thought came softly to my heart.

Every day, my heart answered back.  Or at least every other day.

Why is it, then, that you only find it necessary to come to the cross once in a while?

After all, I sensed the Spirit reason, in the natural you shower every day because your produces toxins and life involves contact with things that make you dirty.

The same is true in the spiritual realm.  Don’t wait till sin build up to a spiritual crisis, I sensed the lord saying.  Deal with it daily.  Come clean so I can make you clean.  The cross made you My child, and it is the cross that will also make you holy.”

Joanna Weaver, At the Feet of Jesus, p. 313

I too have been taking the cross for granted.  Relying on prayer time and devotions with my children to carry me through the day, instead of taking that time on my own to fill my spiritual cup.  I’ve been negligent in focusing on the power of the cross – not only to forgive my sins and make me God’s child, but also it’s power to free me from the bondage of sin on a moment-by-moment basis. 

I need to take my daily shower and be restored to the joy of my salvation so that I can face my inadequacies and failures in the power of Christ.

I shall not want

I thought I had learned this lesson.  Many times.  But it keeps coming back.  “I shall not want.”  The Lord is teaching me this in new dimensions.  When I teach this verse to my kids, I ask them a series of questions.

“Who takes care of the sheep?”  Little voices answer with, “The Shepherd.”

“Who is the Shepherd?”  “Jesus.”

“Who is a sheep?”  “Me!”

The Shepherd takes care of the sheep.  His tenderness is pictured well in Isaiah 40:11 -  “He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.”  He is so tender and loving; patient and kind.  Lifting those who need help.  Walking slowly with the little ones.  Even when it takes me a long time to learn what is He trying to teach me, He is still patient and loving and continues to walk with me.  He continues to prove Himself trustworthy.  He continues to meet my needs, so that I shall not want.

It took me a long time to learn that He provides financially.  Through seasons of no work, or underpaying work.  Through college bills and times of unexpected expenses.  Through bad economy and the needs of four children.  God has always provided what we need, just when we need it.

I used to be pretty stingy.  I can’t print those things for church because I will run out of ink.  Or, I can’t afford the gas to travel there/help that person.  Or, I can’t sign up to bring food for the church fellowship because I don’t enough.  Why did it take me so long to learn that God would supply what I unselfishly gave to others?  And yet many times I still have to remind myself that everything I have isn’t really mine – it came from God.  He provided our van.  He gave us our computer and printer.  He fills our refrigerator.  He gave me clothes for my children.  If I share it with someone else, He will replenish it (and He always gives more in return than I gave away to begin with).

Recently I felt like I had a breakthrough.  When there was no work (and thus no paycheck), I didn’t immediately cry or stress out, panicking about financial obligations.  There was peace that God would supply in the right timing.  And He did.  He has already made up what was lacking.  The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

Now He is teaching me that He is my Shepherd in other areas.  Not just financially, but emotionally, and spiritually too.  I have felt a little dry lately.  Probably because I have four kids and my “quiet” times with the Lord are not really very quiet, and they are nearly always very short.  But somehow…providentially…He provides just what I need.  Just a thought or a verse for the day.  A text that someone is praying for me.  An article online that speaks to what I am struggling with.  A compliment or funny moment from my kiddos.

I haven’t sat through an entire church service for a while.  There are two babies who never seem to want to nurse at “the right time.”  But the portions of the service that I do get have been filling me up.  A phrase from a song.  The Scripture reading.  Or just the third point of the sermon.  A teenager’s testimony.  The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

When things are hard in Mommy Land and I feel like I just can’t handle it, He is gently reminding me that He is there with me.  His grace is sufficient.  I can handle it.  When I feel like crying, or yelling, or having a nervous breakdown, He reminds me that this is His Will for me.  He tells me He is holding my hand.  He shows me that my kids are “catching” things from my life – is what I am “throwing” worth catching?  I don’t have to lean on another person.  It’s not what my husband can say, or the hug from a friend that gets me through.  It’s my Shepherd.  Gently leading me.  Sometimes carrying me.  The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

It’s one of those verses that we learn as a child.  One that many people probably know.  But it’s so profound – so hard to live out.  But so wonderful to experience.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

Look In the Mirror

I was challenged recently as I read through 1 Peter 3.  This passage speaks to wives and their relationship with their husbands.  It tells us that the unsaved husband may be won without his wife saying a word, as he observes her behavior.  Then Peter addresses the way we should adorn ourselves as women.

1 Peter 3:3-4  Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;  4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

My journal reads,

Too often I worry about my outside appearance because that is what people will see, but I do not take time to care for my inner man.  Though the outside may give testimony to the inner man, the latter is far more important and should be addressed first.

How much time do we spend in front of the mirror?  Smoothing wrinkles.  Covering blemishes.  Brushing hair.  We want to look good when we go out and are around other people.  Should we not show the same care for our inner man?  We need to take time to look into the mirror of God’s Word and allow Him to smooth the wrinkles and wash away the blemishes of sin.  We need Him to set our lives in order so that when we minister to other people, they see Him reflecting from our inner mirror. 

My desire is to care for my spiritual life just as much, if not more, than I care for my physical appearance each day.  This takes intentional decisions.  It won’t just happen on its own or “fall into place.”  I must purpose to take time to look into the mirror each morning.

Too Comfortable in the Graveclothes

In my devotional book today, author Joanna Weaver points out how we are often bound in the graveclothes of our flesh, just like Lazarus was in John 11.  Even though we have been set free from the power of sin, we often choose to remain in its bondage, rendering our service to God ineffective. 

“In a sense, the graveclothes that hindered Lazarus describe well the graveclothes that hinder us as Christians:

• His feet were bound, affecting his walk with God.
• His hands were bound, limiting his work for God.
• His face was covered, clouding his watchfulness.
• His mouth was covered, muffling his witness.”

Weaver points out also that sometimes we are so comfortable in our familiar graveclothes, that it seems to radical to allow the Lord to help us unwind them so we can be set free.  I hope that living in my graveclothes does not characterize my life.  Yet I know that so many times, I become all too comfortable even with what I rationalize as “little” sins.  And so I find excuses to just continue on, not willing to let the Lord strip off the binding sin so I can reach my full potential for Him.

I miss a day here, then a couple days there, in my Bible reading and quiet time with God.  Soon it seems natural to start my day running without pausing to spend time with Him.  Without listening to His voice and seeking His will for my daily activities.  The longer I continue in this pattern, the easier it is for me to ignore Him each day.

I find excuses not to talk to that person about the Lord or to turn the conversation toward spiritual things.  Much easier to just slip a tract and hope they might read it.  But then I stop giving the tracts, and soon I do not even see the people around me as hell-bound sinners for whom Christ died.  I have become comfortable in not sharing the Gospel.

These are just a couple of areas where I have noticed that I too often prefer my graveclothes to the raiment of walking in the Spirit.  The Lord offers us the solution to this apathy.

Revelation 3:17-22  Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked: 

18 I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayest be rich; and white raiment, that thou mayest be clothed, and that the shame of thy nakedness do not appear; and anoint thine eyes with eyesalve, that thou mayest see. 

19 As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent. 

20 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. 

21 To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne. 

22 He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches.

Show Your Care

“Wherefore, though I wrote unto you, I did it not for his cause that had done the wrong, nor for his cause that suffered wrong, but that our care for you in the sight of God might appear unto you.”
2 Corinthians 7:12

Paul had written to the Corinthians, to spur them to repentance.  It brought sorrow to them, but Paul did not apologize for making them sad.  He was rejoicing that the sorrow worked repentance and change in their life.  He sums up this section of chapter seven by saying that his purpose in writing was so that his care for the Corinthians would be evident to them.

Often we may have a burden for someone.  We may desire their salvation or their spiritual growth.  But too often, I think we may keep that burden to ourselves.  We pray for them and show our care for them before God, but we fail to express our care so that it can be seen.

I was challenged today that sometimes we need to put feet to our burden.  We need to express our burden, our desire for another’s spirituality, not just in prayer to God alone {though that is definitely the best place to start}, but also in a way that the other person can see.  Who knows, but that it may be that gentle expression, that loving touch, that tangible means of showing our inward burden that may spur the other person on to do what is right.

There are a few people that have been on my heart lately.  I have prayed for them, I have hoped that they would make the right choices and live the life God means for them, but I haven’t shown my love and care to them directly.  So at the conclusion of my devotions I wrote a little note to them.  There are many other ways to express our “care for [another] in the sight of God”.  Let’s let our care appear unto them today!

Thoughts for the New Year

It must be midnight because the fireworks are exploding outside my window.  Our church had a half night of prayer and fasting to bring in the New Year.  I don’t usually get to attend these prayer meetings because of the kids.  Ben usually goes for all or most of the time.  Tonight I enjoyed sitting in my clean living room with a cup of tea, my Bible, my Kindle, my planner, and a new book.  I made a few goals – not for the whole year, but for the next few months until our twins arrive.  I thought back on 2012.  I read.  I prayed.

I have so much to be thankful for.  Here are a few things that came across my mind as I thanked God for 2012:

• Ben is employed
• We have a new apartment, on the first floor
• Our church is rebuilding after Hurricane Sandy, and God has greatly provided.
• A friend, displaced by the hurricane, moved into a new apartment today.
• A friend is now expecting
• The story of a little baby who was not expected to live has encouraged me many days and reminded me how often I take the health of my family for granted
• Twins expected to make their appearance in about 4 months.  They are healthy and I have had an easy pregnancy, all things considered.
• My parents, who faithfully drove many miles to take us to church and youth group.  I’m sure I often took it for granted, but now that I am a parent I am realizing how much effort goes into training a child in the things of the Lord.
• My grandparents, from whom I count my godly heritage.  They are aging and struggling with different issues, but all three of them continue to have a testimony for the Lord.
• God’s Word {and many Christian blogs which have pointed me to God’s Word} which has encouraged me.
• Two godly “older” ladies who pray for me specifically and often ask how things are going.  Their testimony and advice has been priceless.

As I look forward to 2013, I know that many changes are in store.  We are adding two little people to our family…at one time.  I cannot imagine what life will be like in the next year.  Exhausting mostly.  Lots of joys, too.  Ben may be seeking an employment change so he can further his ministry training.  This will be a big transition.  We are praying about a ministry location and God’s timing for deputation.  There are lots of decisions that go along with that.

There are areas in which I failed during 2012, and I want to start fresh in 2013.  I want to be more faithful in my daily reading of God’s Word.  I often feel like a new mom, struggling to find my routine and “fit in” my devotions when the kids are always wanting my attention.  I was on a good track for a while, until I became pregnant and struggled again to get up early in the mornings.

My mom gave me a book for Christmas called At the Feet of Jesus.  It is collection of excerpts from the books of Joanna Weaver arranged into daily devotional readings.  I have already been blessed and challenged by it.  They are short, and easy to incorporate into a daily devotion time.  At the end of the book, Joanna has a unique Bible reading schedule.  I really like the layout and I am planning to use this for my daily reading in 2013. 

One of the best features that I see are the frequent “catch-up” days – scattered throughout the month and on several days at the end of each month.  I’m sure this will be life-saving to me as a mommy of little kids and uncertain daily events.  I also like that she alternates between the Old Testament and the New Testament, and separates like books such as the Gospels and the epistles.  This provides variety and allows for a fresh view when you return to that “genre” of the Bible.

You can customize, download, and print this schedule from Joanna’s website at www.becominghis.com.  This is a great resource for the new year, especially if you are wanting to improve in your Bible reading.

I am also incorporating an ebook entitled Plenty into my daily devotions.  It is encouraging, especially to moms, who always have plenty to do, but need to be reminded that there is plenty of grace to go along with mothering.  Kari Patterson also has a blog called Sacred Mundane which has encouraged me in the past {though I cannot endorse all of her content}.

Be Ye Holy

So I was just talking with my mom about how we are to live differently from the world.  Several things along these lines have provoked my thinking recently, and I wanted to put them “on paper” here.

I live in Brooklyn, NY.  We have a large population of Orthodox Jewish people.  And no matter where I go in the City, I can tell when a person is Jewish.  It’s evident.  You can tell by their attire.  The men wear black suits with white shirts, and nice hats. I like their hats.  The ladies wear long skirts, stockings, and long sleeves.  Usually it’s just black and white, but sometimes they have a stripe or color in their blouse.  Many people would look and them and say “weird.”  Or “out of style.”  But they identify with their people, unashamed, and they leave no question about who they are.

How about Christians.  Can you spot them a mile away?  Can you instinctively tell when you are talking to another believer?  Sometimes.  But often I am blown away in surprise when someone tells me they are a Christian {or at least they claim to be a Christian}.

The problem is this.  They wear the same fashion as the world.  And I cannot help but blush in shame at the tight pants, immodest necklines, or short skirts that many professing Christian girls wear in public.  They listen to the same music as the world.  Their Facebook page boasts pictures from last night’s concert or talks about the latest movie they went to see.  They are pumping their minds with the same filth as the world, and any resemblance to the Christ they claim as their own is flooded out.  Overpowered.  Undistinguishable.

Gandhi said this: “I like your Christ.  I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”  So sad…but too often so true.

Then today I read Joanna Weaver’s blog post about holiness, and it summed up everything I have been thinking and wanting to say.  {You should read the entire article} She writes:

Holiness. Not a terribly popular word in Christian circles these days.

We’d rather talk about mercy and grace; the forgiveness and tenacious patience of our Father who is “not willing that any should perish.” All wonderful topics and the bedrock of our Christian faith. And yet, if we insist on seeing only a loving God we run the risk of never experiencing the power of a life-changing God.

But to stop at the cross and never enter into His resurrection and a new way of life would be a tragedy. For the same grace that saves us is also the grace that changes us. Sanctifies and purifies us. Sets us apart and makes us holy. Makes us more like Jesus and less like us.

But we have to cooperate with that grace. And therein lies the rub.

To choose holiness means we have to be willing to embrace certain limitations on our freedom. To allow certain restrictions be placed on our lives by the Holy Spirit, though we’re surrounded by others who seem to have no restrictions at all. Bottom line, if we want to be holy, we are going to have to call sin what God calls it. Missing the mark. Disobedience which not only separates us from His heart, but discredits our claims of love.

To be honest, even as I write, I’m convicted of black-and-white areas in my life which have grown gray over the years. Scruples that I used to live by which have slowly become muddied. Certain behaviors and past times I partake of that I had a strong sense of conviction against – a conviction brought by the Holy Spirit not a set of rules and bylaws. Covenantal guidelines that determined what I would watch. What I would read. Activities I would forego simply because I knew they grieved His heart and quenched His Spirit’s work in my life. Forgive me, Lord.

I don’t want to “tolerate through sympathy” with myself “any practice that is not in keeping with a holy God.” A call to holiness may not be popular right now but that doesn’t mean it is no longer valid. Though we may have changed our mind about how we should live, God hasn’t.

In my devotions I am working through a book on the Incarnation of Christ.  He was not just a likeness of God in human flesh – He was God.  Claudia Barba says “Jesus Christ, however, is much more than an approximate facsimile of God.  He is the precise, perfect likeness of His Father, reflecting and revealing Him in every way.” 

That’s what I want to be.  Not a Christian in name only, and not just similar to the One I claim as Lord of my life.  I want to live holy, so that it is stands out in crystal clarity to a dark world around me.  I want to be as close to the precise likeness of Christ that I can attain here on earth, reflecting and revealing Him in every way.

Scrub the Grout

Last week I finally took the time to scrub the grout and tiles in my bathtub/shower area.  It’s a job I should do more often, but I dislike it so I usually put it off.  I should tell you that we live in a house built in 1905.  We have a dumbwaiter in our bathtub.  Thing are not very modern or up-to-date, including the tiling and bathtub.  There are stains and molds that I just can’t scrub away, no matter how long or hard I try, or what type of cleanser I use.  And so, even when it is really clean it still looks dirty.  For this reason, I often don’t bother to scrub it very well at all.  But I knew it had a been a while, and so I decided to tackle the job – one of the most unpleasant parts about homemaking, right up there with changing a crib sheet.

As I was scrubbing I thought about how the tiles and grout are much like my own life.  Sometimes I get so tired of falling, of getting tripped up by the same sin or temptation, that I just decide to not try anymore.  Or I relax my standards too many times thinking “it’s just this once” and then I find myself in a habit of sin.

My mornings and quiet times with God have been like this summer.  I don’t like to admit it, but I have been…not diligent.  I stayed up too late.  I slept in.  I had an appointment.  I wanted to get to the park before it was too hot.  So I skipped my quiet time.  Or I put it off.  I didn’t make it a priority.  And before I knew it, the grout of my day – that which is holding all of the tiles in place – was dirty and disgusting.  I had a bad habit.  Now I have to try to break it.

I noticed little bits of dirt and “soap scum” creeping into others areas too.  I didn’t scrub them away fast enough, and before I knew it they had built up.  Now they will be harder to scrub off.  Things like watching movies at night.  We don’t watch anything even close to “bad.”  Try black and white reruns of McHales Navy or the Andy Griffith Show.  But they leave my head spinning when it’s time for bed, and then I don’t rest well.  I fare much better when I read part of a book before bed.  Something to encourage me, challenge me, help me to understand more about Christlikeness or how to parent my children in a godly fashion.

Song of Solomon 2:15 says it’s the little foxes that spoil the vine.  Those small things that we let slide, thinking they are no big deal.  But then they turn into really big deals.  So quickly and easily.

I don’t have kids in school, but I grateful for summer and all of its activities coming to a close so that I have no excuse but to get back on track.  To reform my morning habits and refocus my quiet times.  To evaluate my habits and my leisure times and make sure they are glorifying God.

How about you?  Do you need to scrub any grout in your life?