Don’t Touch My Pain

Spring weather has arrived and with it many afternoons spent playing outdoors. With five children, I always have the Band-Aids close by. There is always a scraped knee or scratched elbow from running, climbing trees, or riding bikes. Recently there have been a plethora of ticks also, so we have to carefully check for them and remove them to prevent disease.

With each scraped knee, splinter, or tick, my kiddos cry out for help and relief from the pain. I reach for the peroxide and the Neosporin, but they pull back away from me. They are afraid of the sting which I know will clean their wound and ensure that infection is kept at bay. The sting is just for a moment, but without it the pain of infection will be worse and longer lasting. But my kids don’t understand that.

Even though I coax and whisper sweetly that it will be alright, sometimes they don’t trust me enough to care for their wound. I know the pain will stop in a moment, but they only know the certainty of the sting and pain of the cleaners and cream.  They want me to fix it, but they don’t want me to touch it.

As I repeat this several times each week, I can’t help but notice the similarity to my own life. I experience a trial or difficulty and I cry out in pain for God to stop it, to heal my wound, to make it all better. I grip my bleeding, painful heart and scream that I can’t handle the pain. I plead with Him to help me, ,to remove the pain, and to wipe away my tears. And yet, when He comes to me with healing hands, I shrink back from what He is doing, afraid of any more sting and unwilling to have Him touch my open wound. The pain has blinded me. I don’t realize that He is working and purifying my life. I don’t feel His touch as tender because I can’t get my mind off the sting. I don’t see that He is preventing the infection of sin and worldliness because I only feel the fresh pain of the open wound or the tweezers removing the splinter.

Pain is purifying. It removes the dross. It cleanses away the weakness. It makes us stronger. It is not pleasant and I hate the feel of it. Sometimes I shrink away from what I know He must do in order to restore wholeness and holiness to my life, because it just hurts so much. But I must let the Great Physician work. He can see the wound with eyes that grasp the whole picture, not just the moment of pain. He knows the best medicine, and His skillful hands perform surgery with the highest success rating.  He is using this pain for my good.

Even in my pain, I must trust Him to touch. He can heal. He can hold me and bear the pain with me. He knows best.

Precious Thoughts

I often supplement my current Bible Study or devotional readings with the adoration list from Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet.  January and February the topics were all things I was wrestling through already.  I came to the 22nd when we were looking at the characteristic of God as a personal God, who knows me individually.  God really used Psalm 139 to tie a lot of things together for me.

Psalm 139:17-18 – How precious also are Thy thoughts unto me, O God!  how great is the sum of them!  If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.

For some time now, I have started my {almost} daily prayer time with Jeremiah 29:11-14, which says,

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. 12 Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. 13 And ye shall seek me, and find [me], when ye shall search for me with all your heart. 14 And I will be found of you, saith the LORD: and I will turn away your captivity, and I will gather you from all the nations, and from all the places whither I have driven you, saith the LORD; and I will bring you again into the place whence I caused you to be carried away captive.

I know that these verses were spoken to Israelites which were headed into captivity, and yet the Lord has used them in my life over and over again.  I have struggled with this “captivity” of temporary housing and “limbo” and transition that we have been “stuck” in for 18 months.  I have questioned why God would call us to church planting, provide for our financial needs by allowed us to reach full support after only 2.5 years of deputation, and then just drop us off to sit and wait for three months, because we can’t really get started on church planting until we have a house.  So I have asked God to help me know that His plans are good.  That His plans are not of evil.  That He does have a plan, and that He is at work, even when I can’t see it.

I don’t particularly care for sand, but I came across this picture from our very last deputation trip and I was remind that God’s thoughts are more than the sand pictured here, which is a small portion of all the sand there is in the world!

We have done everything we can to secure housing.  And now we just wait for the bank’s decision.  It is all in God’s hands, and my patience has run thin many times.  But today I read that His thoughts (good thoughts and plans according to Jer. 29), are more than the sand, and they are precious.  

As I meditated on this truth, the Lord caused me to think about my moments and days as a mom to five little kids.  It seems that my day is filled with thoughts of other people (though this in no way means I am an unselfish person…).  It revolves around what DVD the 2nd grader needs me to start for school, and did I remind the 3 years olds to go potty, and did I bake bread so that I can feed these hungry kids, and the five year old needs clean socks so I have to start the laundry, and the baby needs his nose wiped, again.  My thoughts revolve around my family and how I need to meet their needs.  Yet I am sure that if I add these thoughts up, they are no where close to the number of grains of sand on the seashore.  God’s thoughts – of me – cannot be numbered.  They are precious, and they are thinking up good plans.

I have sometimes prayed Jer. 29:11, not out of faith, but out of duty because it is on my prayer list and I know I should pray it.  But God has answered my prayer.  In bringing me to Psalm 139, He has reinforced that He is working and thinking and planning on my behalf, even when I cannot see it.  I cannot even count His precious thoughts toward me, so I could I ever see and comprehend all that He is doing right now?

I am thankful for the waiting time, because it has allowed me to learn and personalize this truth in a way I wouldn’t have without the struggle and the trial.

Update:  The Lord brought this to me on a Wednesday morning when I was sick and not feeling well.  I did not want to make the two hour trek into NYC for church, especially because I felt the Lord wanted me to share this in testimony time.  We did go, and I did share, in obedience to Him.  I think He used it in the lives of others too.  The next morning, we received word that our short sale had been approved and we were moving forward into closing…

Forgetting that I Am Purged from My Sin

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This is something that the Lord has been working in my heart for a while now.  I didn’t really know how to express it, and I’m still not sure that my words are adequate.  It first came to light when my husband pointed out my impatience with my children.  It was the end of a long day, and they had disobeyed yet again.  In disciplining them I was able to recount every little thing that they had done wrong that day.  My husband said that he didn’t think I had truly forgiven them, even though they had asked for forgiveness after each discipline session that day.  Love keeps no record of wrongs.  So why had I failed to truly forgive them?  Perhaps because it had been a while since I had mediated upon the forgiveness offered to me by the Lord.  Every day.  Many times a day.  My own sin is overwhelming sometimes.  How can I fall into that same sin, yet again?  Why can’t I just obey the Lord?  That forgiveness which He willingly and lovingly bestows each time I ask it cost Him a great price – His life.  He willingly paid it in full at Calvary.  When I lose sight of how much I have been forgiven, it is easy to get frustrated and impatience at the failings of others, especially my children.

Right now, I am to show them Christ.  I am a picture of Him that they can see each day.  How am I portraying Him?  Am I showing my kids that our God is a loving, patient God who forgives us even when we have failed yet again? 

Several scripture passages from my devotions over the last couple of months have solidified this truth in my heart.  Today’s seemed to be the icing on the cake.

According as His divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: 4 Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. 5 And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; 6 And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; 7 and to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. 8 For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor un fruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins.

2 Peter 1:3-9

In the first verses I am assured that I can be a partaker of the Divine Nature.  That is exactly what I want – the essence of Christ living through me on a daily basis.  In fact, everything I need for life and godliness is already provided through His power.  Then verses 5-7 tell me what I must diligently do – growing my faith step by step.  It takes work – it won’t happen overnight.  But I think it will be worth the effort.  Look at the list – faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, godliness, brotherly kindness, and love. 

Each of those things would help me as I interact with my children.  Sometimes I stop and listen to my voice and realize there wasn’t a lick of kindness in it, even as I reprimand my kids for not being kind to each other.  Patience – oh how I need that!  Sometimes I just can’t process all of the needs of my kids, which seem to come all at the same time.  Sometimes I just don’t want to wait while my two year old does it himself.  Sometimes I grow frustrated with my three year old’s disobedience.  I need more patience.  And love.  That would go a long way in making discipline effective.  It must be done with love if it is to get their heart, and not just their compliance.

But it is verse 9 that really seals it all together.  If these character qualities of the life of Christ are not present in my life, then I am blind and forgetful.  In fact, I have forgotten the most important event in my life – that I was purged from my old sins.  How did I get saved?  By Christ lovingly and freely offering me forgiveness, for all of my sins, past, present, and future.  He knew I would sin again and offend His law.  He knew I would fail.  Yet He promised in 1 John 1:9 that when I come and confess, He will forgive me yet again.  How can I not offer forgiveness to my own children for their petty offences, when Christ has so amazingly forgiven my sin?

It’s been a while since I read it, but Amy Carmichael has a book called If and it is full of simple yet profound statements that show how little I understand Calvary love. 

If I love to be loved more than to love, to be served more than to serve, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient unloving word, then I know
nothing of Calvary love.

If I can easily discuss the shortcomings of any; if I can speak in a casual way of
a child’s misdoings, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

I want to know more of Calvary’s love.  I want to realize more fully all that I have been forgiven.  And I want to offer that forgiveness to others, so that I may point them to Christ who can completely forgive all their sin and give them all things for life and godliness, making them partakers of the Divine Nature.

A Godly Father

Though we are a few days past Father’s Day, I wanted to share a few thoughts that have been running through my mind.  Each Sunday our Pastor reads a passage of Scripture during the beginning of the service, before he gets to the message.  On Sunday, he read from Colossians 3.  Though it wasn’t the text of his sermon, the verses were applicable to fathers. 

Colossians 3:12-24  Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;  13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.  14 And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.  15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.  16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.  17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.  19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.  21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.  23 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;  24 Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.

As I have watched my husband interacting with our four children recently, I have felt overwhelmingly blessed that he is striving to be a Biblical father and husband.

A Biblical Father:

• Seeks the things that are above – (verse 1-3).  Realizing that he is seated with Christ, he lives and enjoys all of the benefits of the Christ life while walking here on earth.
• Lives the attributes of Christ in his daily life – holiness, mercy, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering.  My husband is far more patient with our children than I am, showing them mercy while being consistent in discipline.
• Lets peace rule his heart – not at strife or quarrel with others; at peace knowing that whatever God has allowed is God’s will for his life right now.  Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and I say “I can’t handle this.”  Ben always responds by reminding me that I can handle it because God has allowed it.  “In acceptance lieth peace”, and when we accept this as God’s will for us for now, His peace rules in the heart.
• Dwells in the Word of God – makes that quiet time a priority.  With four little children in the house, its hard to find a consistent time of peace and quiet.  But the Biblical father will always find it, knowing that if he is to lead his family in spiritual things, he must walk in God’s Word.
• Takes care of his wife – sometimes the best thing my husband can do for our children to take care of me.  Many times when I am overwhelmed, stressed, sick, or just tired and have had a rough day, he sends me out of the house for a while to have some quiet time just to myself.  He takes care of things at home so I can come back re-charged to fulfill my duties in the home.  Though I know he loves me all the time, at these times when he shows extra care for me, I feel especially loved.
• Lovingly disciplines, without provoking to anger – with consistency and in the Biblical manner, the Godly father will discipline his children as he molds their character according to God’s Word.  Our children are learning from their Daddy to be polite, use manners, exhibit kindness and sharing, and obey.  Sometimes its hard to discipline them over and over again for the same thing, but the Biblical Father does it because he takes his responsibility seriously.  He also recognizes that it will serve them well in the future.
• Leads the home in spiritual things – it’s exciting to me to see my husband teach our children about the things of God.  Elaine was wearing a shirt that said “Praise the Lord.”  Daddy took the opportunity to teach her what praise means, and then he reinforced it several times throughout the day.  Both of my older children are starting to pray on their own, without promptings, and to understand some things in family devotions. 
  
  Ben also tries to make sure I get some moments for quiet time with the Lord even when things seem to be spinning out of control at home.  And many times I get a call or a text at random points through the day to tell me he is praying for me…especially when my day is difficult.  He may not be here to assist me with an extra set of hands as I care for the kiddos, but he has done something far more helpful in bringing me before the Heavenly Father in prayer.

I’m thankful for the husband God gave me, and the father that he is to our children.  They have a special Daddy, for sure, and one day they will realize just how blessed they are!

Lessons from a Little Girl

Last week was busy.  We had Vacation Bible School at our church.  We were gone…late…every night.  We were busy and up early each day.  My kids were tired, and so was I.  We had some grumpy, selfish moments and quite a few discipline issues that had to be dealt with.  And in the middle of it all, my little girl taught me a lesson.

We are teaching Elaine this definition of sin: “Sin anything I think, say, or do that makes Jesus sad.”  One morning she had been particularly resistant to obeying me.  Long after the discipline was done and the hugs were given, she burst out with a question.

“Him sad, Mommy?”
“Is who sad?”
“Jesus.”
“Why is Jesus sad?”
“Because I a bery bad girl.”
“Yes.  It makes Jesus sad when we disobey, doesn’t it?”

She was still considering what her actions had done to Jesus.  They made Him sad.  Disappointed.  And then I realized that sometimes when I am resisting the Lord’s work in my own life, I don’t consider what my delay or my disobedience is doing to Him.  I am only thinking about myself.  But, Lord, I can’t handle this.  Or, Lord, I don’t want to do that.  The good news is this – once I get it right, and ask for His forgiveness, He has promised to forgive me (1 John 1:9).  He even goes so far as to remove my sin – as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12).  He doesn’t bring it up again, or throw it back in my face the next time I sin.  He wipes the slate clean and gives me a new start.

The very next day we again had obedience issues.  This time it was both of my kids.  I didn’t respond properly, and I lost my cool with them.  Though I had confessed my wrong to my kids, Elaine wanted to be sure I had “made up” with Jesus too.  We were praying together, and she was telling Jesus that she was sorry for her sin.  When we said “amen” she looked up at me and said, “We need pray and tell Jesus you a bad girl too, Mommy.”

I was again pricked in my heart.  She was tender.  She wanted the slate clean – for all of us.  She sinned.  I sinned.  Now let’s make it right and move on.  But so many times when I sin against the Lord I don’t want to humble myself and make things right.  I don’t want to admit that I was wrong.  So I continue in my sin and stubbornness.  I want to be tender to the Lord – so that at the first hint of sin, I make confession and restore the relationship.  So that there is never a break in our fellowship.

Kids don’t miss much, do they?  They see my hypocrisies and imperfections.  They see the real me – as I am – everyday…at home.  But they are tender too.  A prayer, an apology, a hug and everything is restored.  They accept me back again and go on as if nothing happened.

I’m thankful for my little girl’s tenderness, her bluntness, and her forgiveness.  But even more I’m thankful that God is infinitely tender as He constantly draws us closer to Himself.  I’m so amazed that He continuously picks me up when I fall, He forgives, He restores.  And I want to have that sensitivity too, so that I am always right with Him.

Ministry is Inconvenient

More from Erin Davis and the 30 Day Mom Makeover…

Matthew 15:29, we find Jesus trying to rest on a mountainside. He barely sat down when a crowd of people came to Him looking to be healed. How did He respond? He healed them.

“When Jesus heard of it, he departed thence by ship into a desert place apart: and when the people had heard thereof, they followed him on foot out of the cities.  14 And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick.” Matthew 14:13-14

On the night before Jesus was betrayed, He didn't hide out. He didn't run away. He spent the evening with His disciples. He even took the time to serve them by washing the mud from their feet (John 13:1-17).

If we look closely, we find an interesting pattern. We know that Jesus spent His time on earth serving others. But have you ever considered how often He ministered when it was inconvenient?

He served others when He was tired. 
He served others when He'd have rather been alone. He served others when He was sad. He served others when He'd been serving non-stop for days and days. 
He served others when things went terribly wrong in His own life. 
He even served others when He knew His own death was right around the corner.

I am deeply challenged by this truth. You see, I don't mind serving others when it's convenient for me. I like to help out when it works into my schedule or fits into my agenda for the day. But there are lots of times when serving others is inconvenient. This seems especially true with my family. I'm tired. I'm stressed. I've got more important things to do than to meet the needs of those around me. Under those circumstances, I feel justified in giving priority to my own needs and temporarily ignoring the needs of others.

But this isn't how Jesus lived. It isn't how Jesus served. And it isn't what He wants from you and me.

The reality is, serving others requires sacrifice. If we only do it when it's convenient, we're missing the point.

What's keeping you from serving like Jesus? Will you let Him inconvenience you today?

Note: Scriptures changed to the King James Version and emphasis in bold is mine.

Sharpen Your Arrows

Psalm 127:3-5  Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.  4 As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.  5 Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

At my high school graduation, my mom shared these verses.  They were the verses that helped my parents decide to homeschool all three of us kids, from kindergarten to high school graduation.  In her speech, my mom said something like this {I found this file buried on the hard drive of my computer}…

“The message was that we are in a spiritual battle and our children are like the weapons of a mighty warrior. A warrior takes time to be sure his arrows are fit for battle – strong and straight and the feathers shaped just right. He is sure the arrows are sharp and will fly to hit their target. A warrior would not think of taking his arrows to someone else to be formed and shaped – they may surely come back with the feathers missing or with a dull point. God’s obvious hand leading me was in convincing me then that I wanted to have kids that were sharp and on target for Him. And who could I trust to do that forming and sharpening that would care more than your Dad and I?”

Parenting is an important job.  The more I realize how much my little ones are absorbing {things that I am not even trying to teach them}, I realize that it is a job with eternal consequences.  I really enjoyed Erin Davis’ thoughts on this same passage from Day 14 of the 30-Day Mom Makeover. 

This passage from Psalm 127 is a deep, deep well. As mothers, we are wise to dip our buckets down into it and draw up truth often. The key message is that children are a blessing. We will unpack that little gem tomorrow. But today, let’s focus on the arrow analogy and how it applies to continuing to see our family as a mission field.

This passage describes children as arrows. But not arrows left sitting in an unused quiver or arrows gleaming but unused in a display case. No. This passage says our children are like arrows in the hand of a warrior. They are to be taken in to battle and used against our Enemy.

Jim Elliot explained it this way, “Children are arrows in a quiver, and they are to be trained as missionaries and shot at the Devil.”

The purpose of raising kids who follow Christ isn’t so that you can line them up as evidence of good works on your mantle. The purpose is raise children who will eventually be dangerous to the Enemy by championing the cause of Christ.

That “sharpening” requires that you seek to know how God has uniquely equipped and gifted your children and then partnering with God to grow them toward Kingdom work. Your job is more important than raising kids who use the potty, stand well in line and make good grades in school. You are called to a much bigger task of equipping your children to be used by God to accomplish His purposes.”

Go do some arrow-sharpening today!