Precious Thoughts

I often supplement my current Bible Study or devotional readings with the adoration list from Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet.  January and February the topics were all things I was wrestling through already.  I came to the 22nd when we were looking at the characteristic of God as a personal God, who knows me individually.  God really used Psalm 139 to tie a lot of things together for me.

Psalm 139:17-18 – How precious also are Thy thoughts unto me, O God!  how great is the sum of them!  If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.

For some time now, I have started my {almost} daily prayer time with Jeremiah 29:11-14, which says,

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. 12 Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. 13 And ye shall seek me, and find [me], when ye shall search for me with all your heart. 14 And I will be found of you, saith the LORD: and I will turn away your captivity, and I will gather you from all the nations, and from all the places whither I have driven you, saith the LORD; and I will bring you again into the place whence I caused you to be carried away captive.

I know that these verses were spoken to Israelites which were headed into captivity, and yet the Lord has used them in my life over and over again.  I have struggled with this “captivity” of temporary housing and “limbo” and transition that we have been “stuck” in for 18 months.  I have questioned why God would call us to church planting, provide for our financial needs by allowed us to reach full support after only 2.5 years of deputation, and then just drop us off to sit and wait for three months, because we can’t really get started on church planting until we have a house.  So I have asked God to help me know that His plans are good.  That His plans are not of evil.  That He does have a plan, and that He is at work, even when I can’t see it.

I don’t particularly care for sand, but I came across this picture from our very last deputation trip and I was remind that God’s thoughts are more than the sand pictured here, which is a small portion of all the sand there is in the world!

We have done everything we can to secure housing.  And now we just wait for the bank’s decision.  It is all in God’s hands, and my patience has run thin many times.  But today I read that His thoughts (good thoughts and plans according to Jer. 29), are more than the sand, and they are precious.  

As I meditated on this truth, the Lord caused me to think about my moments and days as a mom to five little kids.  It seems that my day is filled with thoughts of other people (though this in no way means I am an unselfish person…).  It revolves around what DVD the 2nd grader needs me to start for school, and did I remind the 3 years olds to go potty, and did I bake bread so that I can feed these hungry kids, and the five year old needs clean socks so I have to start the laundry, and the baby needs his nose wiped, again.  My thoughts revolve around my family and how I need to meet their needs.  Yet I am sure that if I add these thoughts up, they are no where close to the number of grains of sand on the seashore.  God’s thoughts – of me – cannot be numbered.  They are precious, and they are thinking up good plans.

I have sometimes prayed Jer. 29:11, not out of faith, but out of duty because it is on my prayer list and I know I should pray it.  But God has answered my prayer.  In bringing me to Psalm 139, He has reinforced that He is working and thinking and planning on my behalf, even when I cannot see it.  I cannot even count His precious thoughts toward me, so I could I ever see and comprehend all that He is doing right now?

I am thankful for the waiting time, because it has allowed me to learn and personalize this truth in a way I wouldn’t have without the struggle and the trial.

Update:  The Lord brought this to me on a Wednesday morning when I was sick and not feeling well.  I did not want to make the two hour trek into NYC for church, especially because I felt the Lord wanted me to share this in testimony time.  We did go, and I did share, in obedience to Him.  I think He used it in the lives of others too.  The next morning, we received word that our short sale had been approved and we were moving forward into closing…

Help

Today I was reading an adoration passage in Psalm 60.  Verses 11-12 say,

Give us help from trouble: for vain is the help of man.
Through God we shall do valiantly: for He it is that shall  tread down our enemies.

I was struck with this thought…

Sometimes my enemies aren’t physical people.  Sometimes my enemy is doubt, or fear, or worry.  Sometimes my enemy is stress, or emotions out of control.  Sometimes my enemy seems like five little kiddos all demanding a piece of me at the same time (but that’s really just stress, right?)  So the question that struck me today is, where do I turn for help?  Too often I ask my husband to help, or I turn to my own creativity to solve a problem.  Start a movie for the kids.  Sit down and breathe.  Make a to-do list.  Sometimes I yell and lose control of the situation.  But vain is the help of man. 

What I really need when all of the situations hit me in the face is to turn to God for help.  When I am drowning in doubt, or guilt, or out-of-control emotions, I don’t just need another set of hands, or a fresh look at the situation – I need God.  I need to turn to Him FIRST.  I need to realize that any victory will only be through His strength.

When I shout, “HELP!” it needs to be to God first.  Sometimes He may use the help of man (or my husband, or my friend, or my kids) to help me.  But I need to turn to Him first.

The Lord is my Rock

Photo from Moab, UT

Sometimes life overwhelms me and I feel like I’m sinking.  Sometimes I’m sinking in laundry and dishes; other times it is in self-pity or guilt.  I can never pull myself out of that desperate place on my own.  I have to remember that the Lord is my rock.  He is a firm foundation, even when I feel like life is ever-shifting around me.  He never changes, even my kids’ schedules and my emotions are on a roller coaster.  He is my defense from those darts of guilt and shame and condemnation that the enemy flings my way. 

When I was in Moab, UT and I saw this rock, Psalm 18:2 came to my mind. Psalm 28:7  came to mind also.  It says, “The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise Him.”  When I go back to the fortress, my heart is helped.  When I put my trust back where it belongs, I find rejoicing and my song returns.

Help Me

I was struggling through a difficult day yesterday and my husband gave me the words of Psalm 143 to chew on.  They didn’t impact me as much yesterday as they did when I just reread them this morning. 

[A Psalm of David.]] Hear my prayer, O LORD, give ear to my supplications: in thy faithfulness answer me, and in thy righteousness. 2 And enter not into judgment with thy servant: for in thy sight shall no man living be justified. 3 For the enemy hath persecuted my soul; he hath smitten my life down to the ground; he hath made me to dwell in darkness, as those that have been long dead. 4 Therefore is my spirit overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is desolate.  5 I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse on the work of thy hands.  6 I stretch forth my hands unto thee: my soul thirsteth after thee, as a thirsty land. Selah.  7 Hear me speedily, O LORD: my spirit faileth: hide not thy face from me, lest I be like unto them that go down into the pit.  8 Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee.  9 Deliver me, O LORD, from mine enemies: I flee unto thee to hide me.  10 Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness.  11 Quicken me, O LORD, for thy name's sake: for thy righteousness' sake bring my soul out of trouble.  12 And of thy mercy cut off mine enemies, and destroy all them that afflict my soul: for I am thy servant.

So many times my spirit feels overwhelmed and the enemy beats me down with doubts and fears and guilt.  He reminds me of my insufficiencies and shortcomings,  and makes me feel worthless.  When I come to the Lord, I don’t want someone else pointing the finger at me and bringing judgment (v.2), because I already feel the weight of my sin and guilt.  I come to the Lord for help, knowing that He has already promised to forgive those shortcomings (1 John 1:9). 

Verses 3-4 give such an accurate description of how I felt yesterday.  Defeated.  Beaten into the ground.  Persecuted.  Alone in darkness, with no way out.  Desolate.

But what is the solution?  Verses 5 – remembering everything God has done in the past.  Meditating on His works.  Recalling the works of His hands.  What has God done that would encourage me in times like this?

• He created me.  He knows me intimately and He knows my weaknesses
• He died, for me.  He sent His beloved Son Jesus to take my place, even though the sin was my fault, and my choice.  Even though it was sin that brought me to such a low-point in my life.  Repeated sin.  Something I struggle with often.  But He forgives it – over and over again.
• He has worked in my life in specific ways to bring me to the point where I am today.  I am the wife of a man called to be a pastor.  I am part of a missionary team preparing to plant a church in New York City.  I am on deputation.  I have five small children.  I am a homeschooling mom.  There were parts of each of those life callings yesterday that were combining to make me feel out of place, crazy, and defeated.  But each of those roles that I have are the works of God.  Each one was by His design.  So He knows that the combination may sometimes be hard (and even crazy), but He is there.
• He has provided for me in specific ways, repeatedly.  I was able to graduate from five years of college debt free.  He has provided for us on an ongoing basis to enable us to live in New York City.  He has met every single need, and more, as we have traveled around the country living out of our van on deputation.  Just last week He provided for our brakes to get fixed, without a hiccup or hang-up of any kind.  The works of God’s hands are marvelous.
• He allowed me to grow up in a Christian home.  He gave me a husband and godly in-laws.  He has drawn our oldest daughter to salvation.
• I have been privileged to sit under the teaching and preaching of some of the most amazing servants of the Lord at Ambassador Baptist College.
• I grew up in a wonderful church that emphasized to me the necessity of giving my life to serve God however He would have it.  I was blessed to have many missionaries stay in my home and influence me as a teenager.  I have been able to spend the last five years marinating in the teaching of my pastor in Brooklyn.
• He has gifted me with friends who regularly encourage me in my walk with God, raising my children for the Lord, and my life on deputation and in ministry.

The next step is to thirst after the Lord.  Yesterday, when I felt my life was falling apart around me (just a feeling, but a strong one at the time!), I really just wanted to spend time with the Lord.  I wanted Him to lift me up.  I realized that I begun my day without Him, and thus immediately jumped on the roller coaster ride that dumped me where it did.  I stretched out my hands to the Lord, and I said, “Help!”  My soul was thirsting for the Lord to do something amazing in me that I knew I could not do. 

I didn’t have the patience for my children.

I didn’t know what to do for homeschooling

I didn’t have enough arms to meet everyone’s needs.

But God did.

The rest of this chapter is just like balm on my raw soul.  Today my future looks brighter.  Yesterday I saw only darkness and despair.  This morning His Word is soothing my soul and giving me hope, just as verse 8 says.  “Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee.”  Things always look better in the morning, but better doesn’t describe it when we have the Lord.  His lovingkindnesses reach down and give me just the Scriptures I need.  He takes the broken pieces of my soul that I stretch out to Him and He mends it.  He directs my steps.  He clears my eyes, and He reveals His tender love.  That’s an amazing God!

In troubling times, we can flee to the Lord (v.9)

He teaches us what His will is for our lives.  If I am doing His will, then I don’t need to feel the weight, pressure, and guilt of all that I am not doing.  These are the things which the enemy constantly brings to my mind and piles on my shoulders.  But the Lord gives strength for me to do His will.  Then, when it is done, I can say with Him in John 17:4, “I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do.”

The Lord quickens us, and brings us out of trouble (v.11)

He will eventually cut off the enemy and destroy the one who afflicts my soul (v.12).

I am the servant of the Lord.  Sometimes I forget this truth.  I try to be the master in my life.  But I am just a servant.  He is in control.  He is behind all the circumstances, weaving a beautiful story and picture so that all around me can see His power and gory.  Even if the only ones around me are my family members, He reveals His power.  They need to see it too.  My kids need to see God at work in Mommy’s life. 

I sat down this morning and prepared to do the next lesson in my Bible study in Romans 8.  But as I opened my Bible app, I noticed it was still on Psalm 143, and so I reread it.  When I turned to the lesson for today, I found that the title was “All Things” and I would be digging into Romans 8:28.  How appropriate that the Lord would teach me about “all things” following a day when I felt “all things” against me for evil.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”  Romans 8:28

Approved

Recently, my husband and I applied to a mission board as church planters to New York City.  The application process was involved, and the last step was an in-person interview and doctrinal review in Alabama.  The board wanted to be sure they are in agreement with us because many churches will be familiar with what the mission board stands for, though they do not know us personally.  If the mission board has approved us, then the church can know that we are in agreement and will be a good representation of them on the mission field.

As we prepared for our doctrinal review, I found myself very nervous.  My palms were sweaty and I was fidgeting.  Ben kept telling me to relax, so I know my nervousness was evident.  The funny thing is that I didn’t really have anything to be nervous about.  First, the questions were almost exclusively directed at Ben.  Secondly, the questions were about doctrines and passages that both Ben and I know very well.  We had prepared.  We had studied.  And yet I was nervous.  Would the Board of Trustees approve us?  Would this trip turn out to be in vain, and embarrassing if we returned home unapproved?

Gratefully, the Lord saw fit to join us with the mission board.  The Board of Trustees voted unanimously to accept us.  They placed their stamp of approval upon us as church planters.  No longer was I just a “candidate” as my name tag read.  Now I was approved.  Accepted.  Part of the “family.”

When I returned home and unpacked our belongings, I saw my nametag sitting on the dresser.  The word “candidate” caught my attention and I was again so grateful that I was now accepted.  But it made me think about my spiritual acceptance.  When I became a Christian, in that very moment of dependence by faith for salvation, God placed His stamp of approval on my life.  Unlike the mission board application process, I didn’t have to prove myself to God.  There was no waiting period, reference check, or interview with the board.  I didn’t have to go through a man, prove myself “good” enough, or list my character qualities.  Quite the opposite.

There was nothing I could do on my own to please God.  The Bible says that all of the good things I could ever do are just like filthy rags to God (Is. 64:6).  I can never measure up to His standard of absolute holiness and perfection.  I have missed the mark (Rom. 3:23).  But praise the Lord, Jesus Christ came and died in my place.  He exchanged my sins for His robes of righteousness, took my punishment, and gave me the right to be called a son of God.  Accepted.  Part of the family.  When God looks at me, He sees His Son Jesus Christ.  Now that is something to be excited about! 

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ:  4 According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:  5 Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will,  6 To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.  7 In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace…”

Ephesians 1:3-7

I shall not want

I thought I had learned this lesson.  Many times.  But it keeps coming back.  “I shall not want.”  The Lord is teaching me this in new dimensions.  When I teach this verse to my kids, I ask them a series of questions.

“Who takes care of the sheep?”  Little voices answer with, “The Shepherd.”

“Who is the Shepherd?”  “Jesus.”

“Who is a sheep?”  “Me!”

The Shepherd takes care of the sheep.  His tenderness is pictured well in Isaiah 40:11 -  “He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.”  He is so tender and loving; patient and kind.  Lifting those who need help.  Walking slowly with the little ones.  Even when it takes me a long time to learn what is He trying to teach me, He is still patient and loving and continues to walk with me.  He continues to prove Himself trustworthy.  He continues to meet my needs, so that I shall not want.

It took me a long time to learn that He provides financially.  Through seasons of no work, or underpaying work.  Through college bills and times of unexpected expenses.  Through bad economy and the needs of four children.  God has always provided what we need, just when we need it.

I used to be pretty stingy.  I can’t print those things for church because I will run out of ink.  Or, I can’t afford the gas to travel there/help that person.  Or, I can’t sign up to bring food for the church fellowship because I don’t enough.  Why did it take me so long to learn that God would supply what I unselfishly gave to others?  And yet many times I still have to remind myself that everything I have isn’t really mine – it came from God.  He provided our van.  He gave us our computer and printer.  He fills our refrigerator.  He gave me clothes for my children.  If I share it with someone else, He will replenish it (and He always gives more in return than I gave away to begin with).

Recently I felt like I had a breakthrough.  When there was no work (and thus no paycheck), I didn’t immediately cry or stress out, panicking about financial obligations.  There was peace that God would supply in the right timing.  And He did.  He has already made up what was lacking.  The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

Now He is teaching me that He is my Shepherd in other areas.  Not just financially, but emotionally, and spiritually too.  I have felt a little dry lately.  Probably because I have four kids and my “quiet” times with the Lord are not really very quiet, and they are nearly always very short.  But somehow…providentially…He provides just what I need.  Just a thought or a verse for the day.  A text that someone is praying for me.  An article online that speaks to what I am struggling with.  A compliment or funny moment from my kiddos.

I haven’t sat through an entire church service for a while.  There are two babies who never seem to want to nurse at “the right time.”  But the portions of the service that I do get have been filling me up.  A phrase from a song.  The Scripture reading.  Or just the third point of the sermon.  A teenager’s testimony.  The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

When things are hard in Mommy Land and I feel like I just can’t handle it, He is gently reminding me that He is there with me.  His grace is sufficient.  I can handle it.  When I feel like crying, or yelling, or having a nervous breakdown, He reminds me that this is His Will for me.  He tells me He is holding my hand.  He shows me that my kids are “catching” things from my life – is what I am “throwing” worth catching?  I don’t have to lean on another person.  It’s not what my husband can say, or the hug from a friend that gets me through.  It’s my Shepherd.  Gently leading me.  Sometimes carrying me.  The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

It’s one of those verses that we learn as a child.  One that many people probably know.  But it’s so profound – so hard to live out.  But so wonderful to experience.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

Show Your Care

“Wherefore, though I wrote unto you, I did it not for his cause that had done the wrong, nor for his cause that suffered wrong, but that our care for you in the sight of God might appear unto you.”
2 Corinthians 7:12

Paul had written to the Corinthians, to spur them to repentance.  It brought sorrow to them, but Paul did not apologize for making them sad.  He was rejoicing that the sorrow worked repentance and change in their life.  He sums up this section of chapter seven by saying that his purpose in writing was so that his care for the Corinthians would be evident to them.

Often we may have a burden for someone.  We may desire their salvation or their spiritual growth.  But too often, I think we may keep that burden to ourselves.  We pray for them and show our care for them before God, but we fail to express our care so that it can be seen.

I was challenged today that sometimes we need to put feet to our burden.  We need to express our burden, our desire for another’s spirituality, not just in prayer to God alone {though that is definitely the best place to start}, but also in a way that the other person can see.  Who knows, but that it may be that gentle expression, that loving touch, that tangible means of showing our inward burden that may spur the other person on to do what is right.

There are a few people that have been on my heart lately.  I have prayed for them, I have hoped that they would make the right choices and live the life God means for them, but I haven’t shown my love and care to them directly.  So at the conclusion of my devotions I wrote a little note to them.  There are many other ways to express our “care for [another] in the sight of God”.  Let’s let our care appear unto them today!

What I Am

In my devotional book I read this excerpt from Having A Mary Spirit by Joanna Weaver:

If Satan can’t make me fall away from God’s grace, he will do everything he can to keep me from fully embracing God’s grace. Satan wants me—and he wants you!—to be so constantly preoccupied with what we’re not that we never get around to realizing all that God is.  Our enemy wants to keep us so consumed with our inadequacies that we never get around to appropriating the love and transforming power God has made available to us through His Son. {emphasis mine}

I had one of those days yesterday.  When I seemed to be able to only see the problems, the negatives.  Satan had me so focused on what was wrong that I failed to remember my escape, my Advocate, and the grace He has promised.

So what it is that we are in Christ?  Here is a short list:

• Justified – not condemned.  God doesn’t look at me and see the sinner anymore.  He looks at me and sees His Son Jesus Christ.
  Romans 8:1  There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
• Armed – not defenseless.  I can put on the armor of Christ and defend myself—and defeat the enemy. 
  Ephesians 6:11  Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
• Seated with Christ. Victorious.
  Ephesians 2:6  And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus:
  Romans 8:37  Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
• Able to Enter the Throne Room.  I don’t have to give in to Satan’s temptations or doubts.  I can march into the throne room of heaven and gain the ear of God, finding grace to help in my moment of need.
  Hebrews 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. 
• Adopted – a son/child of God Himself.  A part of the family of God…with all of the rights and benefits that go with it.
  Romans 8:15  For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.
  John 1:12   But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:
• Loved.  Accepted. Without condition. Forever.
  1 John 4:19  We love him, because he first loved us.
  Jeremiah 31:3  The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.
  Romans 8:38 - 9:1  For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,  39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

A Token for Good

I remember vividly a chapel message from Bible college.  It was on this verse,

“Shew me a token for good; that they which hate me may see it, and be ashamed: because thou, LORD, hast holpen me, and comforted me.”   ~Psalm 86:17

The preacher, who I remember not-so-vividly, explained that sometimes it’s okay to ask the Lord for a token of good.  Something little or special that the Lord does for us, or a prayer that the Lord answers, to remind us that He cares for us.  To show us that He is involved in our lives.  To encourage us when things seem hopeless and overwhelming.

My friends and I used to pray for these tokens.  Or sometimes, usually at the lunch table, we would declare, “This is my token for good!”  I think that chocolate was a frequent token for good in the girl’s dorm!  But sometimes it was something more intangible – an encouraging word, a certain verse that spoke to us in our devotions, a favorite song in the chapel service.

Last week God gave me a token for good.  I was having a bit of a rough day.  A friend came over to go over some plan for an event at church.  When she left she slid a bag across the table and said, “These are for you guys.  Hope you like them.”  It was a dozen bagels. Brooklyn bagels.  And they were delicious.  A special treat we couldn’t have afforded, especially on that day.  But it was a little encouragement to me – a token of good – that God saw everything going on in my life, and He was still there, and He still cares.

{source}

It sounds silly – bagels are a token for good?  But at the right moment, in the right circumstances, God can use even bagels to be a token for good.  You can ask God for a specific token of good, or you can just ask Him to show Himself.  Then you get to be amazed at the token He chooses.

What is your token for good?

He Knows My Path

Even when I can’t see what is ahead. 

Even when it is hard to trust.

Even when I am discouraged

I can have hope – because God knows my path!

Hope Thou in God

“Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.” Psalm 42:11

• The Lord will send HIs lovingkindness in the daytime(vs.8)
• He will give me a song in the night (vs.8)
• He is my rock (vs.9)
• Even when the enemy presses hard upon me, I can have hope in God and praise Him (vs.10-11)
• God is my strength (43:2)
• He will send His light and truth to guide me when everything seems dark and hopeless (43:3)
• He will give me joy and praise (43:4)
• The victory will not be because of my own strength, but because of God’s power (44:3)
• He gives us strength to tread down the enemy (44:5)

“Our heart is not turned back, neither have our steps declined from thy way.” Psalm 44:18 

Hope thou in God!