Inadequacy

I was feeling rather down last night because of several failures and inadequacies that have been raising their ugly heads lately.  I was having trouble focusing on the victories which I know have been accomplished (and those that are yet to come) in Christ.

I am reading At the Feet of Jesus by Joanna Weaver as a daily devotional supplement.  Today’s words were just for me!

“I was struggling once again with my continued inadequacies.  “Will I ever change?” I asked God.  “Will I ever be what You want me to be?”

…How often do you shower, Joanna?  the God-thought came softly to my heart.

Every day, my heart answered back.  Or at least every other day.

Why is it, then, that you only find it necessary to come to the cross once in a while?

After all, I sensed the Spirit reason, in the natural you shower every day because your produces toxins and life involves contact with things that make you dirty.

The same is true in the spiritual realm.  Don’t wait till sin build up to a spiritual crisis, I sensed the lord saying.  Deal with it daily.  Come clean so I can make you clean.  The cross made you My child, and it is the cross that will also make you holy.”

Joanna Weaver, At the Feet of Jesus, p. 313

I too have been taking the cross for granted.  Relying on prayer time and devotions with my children to carry me through the day, instead of taking that time on my own to fill my spiritual cup.  I’ve been negligent in focusing on the power of the cross – not only to forgive my sins and make me God’s child, but also it’s power to free me from the bondage of sin on a moment-by-moment basis. 

I need to take my daily shower and be restored to the joy of my salvation so that I can face my inadequacies and failures in the power of Christ.

Look In the Mirror

I was challenged recently as I read through 1 Peter 3.  This passage speaks to wives and their relationship with their husbands.  It tells us that the unsaved husband may be won without his wife saying a word, as he observes her behavior.  Then Peter addresses the way we should adorn ourselves as women.

1 Peter 3:3-4  Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;  4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

My journal reads,

Too often I worry about my outside appearance because that is what people will see, but I do not take time to care for my inner man.  Though the outside may give testimony to the inner man, the latter is far more important and should be addressed first.

How much time do we spend in front of the mirror?  Smoothing wrinkles.  Covering blemishes.  Brushing hair.  We want to look good when we go out and are around other people.  Should we not show the same care for our inner man?  We need to take time to look into the mirror of God’s Word and allow Him to smooth the wrinkles and wash away the blemishes of sin.  We need Him to set our lives in order so that when we minister to other people, they see Him reflecting from our inner mirror. 

My desire is to care for my spiritual life just as much, if not more, than I care for my physical appearance each day.  This takes intentional decisions.  It won’t just happen on its own or “fall into place.”  I must purpose to take time to look into the mirror each morning.

Lessons from a Little Girl

Last week was busy.  We had Vacation Bible School at our church.  We were gone…late…every night.  We were busy and up early each day.  My kids were tired, and so was I.  We had some grumpy, selfish moments and quite a few discipline issues that had to be dealt with.  And in the middle of it all, my little girl taught me a lesson.

We are teaching Elaine this definition of sin: “Sin anything I think, say, or do that makes Jesus sad.”  One morning she had been particularly resistant to obeying me.  Long after the discipline was done and the hugs were given, she burst out with a question.

“Him sad, Mommy?”
“Is who sad?”
“Jesus.”
“Why is Jesus sad?”
“Because I a bery bad girl.”
“Yes.  It makes Jesus sad when we disobey, doesn’t it?”

She was still considering what her actions had done to Jesus.  They made Him sad.  Disappointed.  And then I realized that sometimes when I am resisting the Lord’s work in my own life, I don’t consider what my delay or my disobedience is doing to Him.  I am only thinking about myself.  But, Lord, I can’t handle this.  Or, Lord, I don’t want to do that.  The good news is this – once I get it right, and ask for His forgiveness, He has promised to forgive me (1 John 1:9).  He even goes so far as to remove my sin – as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12).  He doesn’t bring it up again, or throw it back in my face the next time I sin.  He wipes the slate clean and gives me a new start.

The very next day we again had obedience issues.  This time it was both of my kids.  I didn’t respond properly, and I lost my cool with them.  Though I had confessed my wrong to my kids, Elaine wanted to be sure I had “made up” with Jesus too.  We were praying together, and she was telling Jesus that she was sorry for her sin.  When we said “amen” she looked up at me and said, “We need pray and tell Jesus you a bad girl too, Mommy.”

I was again pricked in my heart.  She was tender.  She wanted the slate clean – for all of us.  She sinned.  I sinned.  Now let’s make it right and move on.  But so many times when I sin against the Lord I don’t want to humble myself and make things right.  I don’t want to admit that I was wrong.  So I continue in my sin and stubbornness.  I want to be tender to the Lord – so that at the first hint of sin, I make confession and restore the relationship.  So that there is never a break in our fellowship.

Kids don’t miss much, do they?  They see my hypocrisies and imperfections.  They see the real me – as I am – everyday…at home.  But they are tender too.  A prayer, an apology, a hug and everything is restored.  They accept me back again and go on as if nothing happened.

I’m thankful for my little girl’s tenderness, her bluntness, and her forgiveness.  But even more I’m thankful that God is infinitely tender as He constantly draws us closer to Himself.  I’m so amazed that He continuously picks me up when I fall, He forgives, He restores.  And I want to have that sensitivity too, so that I am always right with Him.