Always Triumph

Proverbs 31:26

“She openeth her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”

Inadequacy

I was feeling rather down last night because of several failures and inadequacies that have been raising their ugly heads lately.  I was having trouble focusing on the victories which I know have been accomplished (and those that are yet to come) in Christ.

I am reading At the Feet of Jesus by Joanna Weaver as a daily devotional supplement.  Today’s words were just for me!

“I was struggling once again with my continued inadequacies.  “Will I ever change?” I asked God.  “Will I ever be what You want me to be?”

…How often do you shower, Joanna?  the God-thought came softly to my heart.

Every day, my heart answered back.  Or at least every other day.

Why is it, then, that you only find it necessary to come to the cross once in a while?

After all, I sensed the Spirit reason, in the natural you shower every day because your produces toxins and life involves contact with things that make you dirty.

The same is true in the spiritual realm.  Don’t wait till sin build up to a spiritual crisis, I sensed the lord saying.  Deal with it daily.  Come clean so I can make you clean.  The cross made you My child, and it is the cross that will also make you holy.”

Joanna Weaver, At the Feet of Jesus, p. 313

I too have been taking the cross for granted.  Relying on prayer time and devotions with my children to carry me through the day, instead of taking that time on my own to fill my spiritual cup.  I’ve been negligent in focusing on the power of the cross – not only to forgive my sins and make me God’s child, but also it’s power to free me from the bondage of sin on a moment-by-moment basis. 

I need to take my daily shower and be restored to the joy of my salvation so that I can face my inadequacies and failures in the power of Christ.

Approved

Recently, my husband and I applied to a mission board as church planters to New York City.  The application process was involved, and the last step was an in-person interview and doctrinal review in Alabama.  The board wanted to be sure they are in agreement with us because many churches will be familiar with what the mission board stands for, though they do not know us personally.  If the mission board has approved us, then the church can know that we are in agreement and will be a good representation of them on the mission field.

As we prepared for our doctrinal review, I found myself very nervous.  My palms were sweaty and I was fidgeting.  Ben kept telling me to relax, so I know my nervousness was evident.  The funny thing is that I didn’t really have anything to be nervous about.  First, the questions were almost exclusively directed at Ben.  Secondly, the questions were about doctrines and passages that both Ben and I know very well.  We had prepared.  We had studied.  And yet I was nervous.  Would the Board of Trustees approve us?  Would this trip turn out to be in vain, and embarrassing if we returned home unapproved?

Gratefully, the Lord saw fit to join us with the mission board.  The Board of Trustees voted unanimously to accept us.  They placed their stamp of approval upon us as church planters.  No longer was I just a “candidate” as my name tag read.  Now I was approved.  Accepted.  Part of the “family.”

When I returned home and unpacked our belongings, I saw my nametag sitting on the dresser.  The word “candidate” caught my attention and I was again so grateful that I was now accepted.  But it made me think about my spiritual acceptance.  When I became a Christian, in that very moment of dependence by faith for salvation, God placed His stamp of approval on my life.  Unlike the mission board application process, I didn’t have to prove myself to God.  There was no waiting period, reference check, or interview with the board.  I didn’t have to go through a man, prove myself “good” enough, or list my character qualities.  Quite the opposite.

There was nothing I could do on my own to please God.  The Bible says that all of the good things I could ever do are just like filthy rags to God (Is. 64:6).  I can never measure up to His standard of absolute holiness and perfection.  I have missed the mark (Rom. 3:23).  But praise the Lord, Jesus Christ came and died in my place.  He exchanged my sins for His robes of righteousness, took my punishment, and gave me the right to be called a son of God.  Accepted.  Part of the family.  When God looks at me, He sees His Son Jesus Christ.  Now that is something to be excited about! 

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ:  4 According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:  5 Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will,  6 To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.  7 In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace…”

Ephesians 1:3-7

Forgetting that I Am Purged from My Sin

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This is something that the Lord has been working in my heart for a while now.  I didn’t really know how to express it, and I’m still not sure that my words are adequate.  It first came to light when my husband pointed out my impatience with my children.  It was the end of a long day, and they had disobeyed yet again.  In disciplining them I was able to recount every little thing that they had done wrong that day.  My husband said that he didn’t think I had truly forgiven them, even though they had asked for forgiveness after each discipline session that day.  Love keeps no record of wrongs.  So why had I failed to truly forgive them?  Perhaps because it had been a while since I had mediated upon the forgiveness offered to me by the Lord.  Every day.  Many times a day.  My own sin is overwhelming sometimes.  How can I fall into that same sin, yet again?  Why can’t I just obey the Lord?  That forgiveness which He willingly and lovingly bestows each time I ask it cost Him a great price – His life.  He willingly paid it in full at Calvary.  When I lose sight of how much I have been forgiven, it is easy to get frustrated and impatience at the failings of others, especially my children.

Right now, I am to show them Christ.  I am a picture of Him that they can see each day.  How am I portraying Him?  Am I showing my kids that our God is a loving, patient God who forgives us even when we have failed yet again? 

Several scripture passages from my devotions over the last couple of months have solidified this truth in my heart.  Today’s seemed to be the icing on the cake.

According as His divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: 4 Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. 5 And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; 6 And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; 7 and to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. 8 For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor un fruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins.

2 Peter 1:3-9

In the first verses I am assured that I can be a partaker of the Divine Nature.  That is exactly what I want – the essence of Christ living through me on a daily basis.  In fact, everything I need for life and godliness is already provided through His power.  Then verses 5-7 tell me what I must diligently do – growing my faith step by step.  It takes work – it won’t happen overnight.  But I think it will be worth the effort.  Look at the list – faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, godliness, brotherly kindness, and love. 

Each of those things would help me as I interact with my children.  Sometimes I stop and listen to my voice and realize there wasn’t a lick of kindness in it, even as I reprimand my kids for not being kind to each other.  Patience – oh how I need that!  Sometimes I just can’t process all of the needs of my kids, which seem to come all at the same time.  Sometimes I just don’t want to wait while my two year old does it himself.  Sometimes I grow frustrated with my three year old’s disobedience.  I need more patience.  And love.  That would go a long way in making discipline effective.  It must be done with love if it is to get their heart, and not just their compliance.

But it is verse 9 that really seals it all together.  If these character qualities of the life of Christ are not present in my life, then I am blind and forgetful.  In fact, I have forgotten the most important event in my life – that I was purged from my old sins.  How did I get saved?  By Christ lovingly and freely offering me forgiveness, for all of my sins, past, present, and future.  He knew I would sin again and offend His law.  He knew I would fail.  Yet He promised in 1 John 1:9 that when I come and confess, He will forgive me yet again.  How can I not offer forgiveness to my own children for their petty offences, when Christ has so amazingly forgiven my sin?

It’s been a while since I read it, but Amy Carmichael has a book called If and it is full of simple yet profound statements that show how little I understand Calvary love. 

If I love to be loved more than to love, to be served more than to serve, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient unloving word, then I know
nothing of Calvary love.

If I can easily discuss the shortcomings of any; if I can speak in a casual way of
a child’s misdoings, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

I want to know more of Calvary’s love.  I want to realize more fully all that I have been forgiven.  And I want to offer that forgiveness to others, so that I may point them to Christ who can completely forgive all their sin and give them all things for life and godliness, making them partakers of the Divine Nature.

Confessions of a Selfish Mom

Last week and already this week have been very challenging for me in my mothering journey. I knew that having four kids ages 3 and under wouldn’t be a party everyday. But the twins have been so easy and good that I think I deceived myself again into saying “I can do this.” Nolan has lived to prove me wrong, and Elaine is helping him. I’m trying to remember that God is pressing me into a place where I can’t do this, in order that I might lean on Him completely.

Today, as my kids sit in yet another time out, I sat on the couch and cried. Cried because all I wanted was a few moments of quiet time with my Bible. Cried because I am weary of fighting this battle. Cried because I feel like we can never go on deputation with children like these. Cried because Ben wasn’t able to talk to me on the phone right now. And then I opened my Facebook account, and there was this post on Beyond Bath Time –

Confessions of a selfish mom:

Some days I'm keenly aware of my self-centeredness. I like to wake up and have my home revolve around my needs. My need for sleep. My need for my coffee. My need for my space. My need for my children to behave like I want them to. My need for my husband to respond to me the way that makes me comfortable.

But God's truth confronts these "needs" and brings them to proper perspective. These are self-centered wants, demands, expectations. I create an idol out of my comfort. This pushes God to the side. It shows my tiny view of the cross.

Jesus came to serve others. He came to lay down His life for others. As daughters of the Most High King, this is our role. To lay aside wants and demands and to serve. To realize what we really deserve is hell, eternity separated from God. What He's given us is grace and He imparted His righteousness to us.

I must preach the gospel to myself daily. To view myself through the cross. To seek to live the gospel to my family. To purge selfishness from my heart through the power given to us through the Holy Spirit.

All for His glory!
A Selfish Mom clinging to the cross!

I really needed that just now. You would think it is second nature for a mother to love her children.  But sometimes it is such a struggle to express that love the way God wants me to.  I love myself, and my Flesh Woman doesn’t like to be set aside so that I can love someone else.  I now understand why Paul commanded Titus that the older women should teach the younger women to love their husbands and their children.

Titus 2:3-5  The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

When I love my children like God wants me to love them, when I set aside my own desires and wants, when I let the love of Christ to overflow through my life, then the Word of God is not dishonored.  Only Christ can unselfishly love my little people, and sometimes He chooses to do it through me.  That is amazing.  I want them to see Christ’s love in me today.

I shall not want

I thought I had learned this lesson.  Many times.  But it keeps coming back.  “I shall not want.”  The Lord is teaching me this in new dimensions.  When I teach this verse to my kids, I ask them a series of questions.

“Who takes care of the sheep?”  Little voices answer with, “The Shepherd.”

“Who is the Shepherd?”  “Jesus.”

“Who is a sheep?”  “Me!”

The Shepherd takes care of the sheep.  His tenderness is pictured well in Isaiah 40:11 -  “He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.”  He is so tender and loving; patient and kind.  Lifting those who need help.  Walking slowly with the little ones.  Even when it takes me a long time to learn what is He trying to teach me, He is still patient and loving and continues to walk with me.  He continues to prove Himself trustworthy.  He continues to meet my needs, so that I shall not want.

It took me a long time to learn that He provides financially.  Through seasons of no work, or underpaying work.  Through college bills and times of unexpected expenses.  Through bad economy and the needs of four children.  God has always provided what we need, just when we need it.

I used to be pretty stingy.  I can’t print those things for church because I will run out of ink.  Or, I can’t afford the gas to travel there/help that person.  Or, I can’t sign up to bring food for the church fellowship because I don’t enough.  Why did it take me so long to learn that God would supply what I unselfishly gave to others?  And yet many times I still have to remind myself that everything I have isn’t really mine – it came from God.  He provided our van.  He gave us our computer and printer.  He fills our refrigerator.  He gave me clothes for my children.  If I share it with someone else, He will replenish it (and He always gives more in return than I gave away to begin with).

Recently I felt like I had a breakthrough.  When there was no work (and thus no paycheck), I didn’t immediately cry or stress out, panicking about financial obligations.  There was peace that God would supply in the right timing.  And He did.  He has already made up what was lacking.  The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

Now He is teaching me that He is my Shepherd in other areas.  Not just financially, but emotionally, and spiritually too.  I have felt a little dry lately.  Probably because I have four kids and my “quiet” times with the Lord are not really very quiet, and they are nearly always very short.  But somehow…providentially…He provides just what I need.  Just a thought or a verse for the day.  A text that someone is praying for me.  An article online that speaks to what I am struggling with.  A compliment or funny moment from my kiddos.

I haven’t sat through an entire church service for a while.  There are two babies who never seem to want to nurse at “the right time.”  But the portions of the service that I do get have been filling me up.  A phrase from a song.  The Scripture reading.  Or just the third point of the sermon.  A teenager’s testimony.  The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

When things are hard in Mommy Land and I feel like I just can’t handle it, He is gently reminding me that He is there with me.  His grace is sufficient.  I can handle it.  When I feel like crying, or yelling, or having a nervous breakdown, He reminds me that this is His Will for me.  He tells me He is holding my hand.  He shows me that my kids are “catching” things from my life – is what I am “throwing” worth catching?  I don’t have to lean on another person.  It’s not what my husband can say, or the hug from a friend that gets me through.  It’s my Shepherd.  Gently leading me.  Sometimes carrying me.  The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

It’s one of those verses that we learn as a child.  One that many people probably know.  But it’s so profound – so hard to live out.  But so wonderful to experience.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.